Pastoral Counselling part 2

2 The Bible and counselling

It is the Bible itself which alerts us to the various dimensions of evil: consequential evil, oppressive evil, demonic evil and personal evil. Part of the difficulty is that these do not exist in separate compartments; they often come together and overlap in experience. This makes it difficult, sometimes almost impossible, to unravel the complexities of the problems that some individuals have. We have to acknowledge, too, that conversion by itself does not solve all the difficulties that some people experience. It certain respects it can make the situation worse, when, for example, people suffer hostility or ridicule for their faith.

The Bible also speaks of ‘madness’, it recognizes in doing so that a person’s mind can be affected so that they may act in unusual ways and experience bizarre feelings. We have to recognize that the so-called ‘medical model’, that is that there can be mental illnesses, is correct though such illnesses may arise from various causes. Gerard Manley Hopkins has expressed it forcibly; ‘O, the mind, mind, has mountains, cliffs of fall/frightful, sheer, no-man-fathomed. Hold them cheap/may who ne’er hung there.’ Just as the bone of a limb may break if put under too great a pressure, so the mind or emotions may break down under conditions that are too great for it to bear. Just think of the experience of people in wartime, whether combatants or civilians.

The Bible also provides the framework within which we reflect on our experience and do our thinking. See, for example, Psalm 111:2; Matthew 16:2,3; Acts 17: 24-29 – in this case note v.28 and Paul’s use of pagan writers; Ecclesiastes 1:12,13 cf. 2:13,14; 3:10,12,13. This is not always an easy exercise. We can misunderstand the Bible, we can misapply what it says, we may have unrealised assumptions which vitiate our understanding of the Bible and our thinking process, we can misunderstand our own experience and the experience of others, we can misunderstand what other people are saying or have written. In other words we have to take great care because while we desire to do good, it is possible to cause harm.

Experience can be broken down into two elements. First of all there is our own personal experience. It is important and valuable to reflect on this. We should consider our childhood and its influence on our lives; our temperaments, weaknesses and peculiarities; our temptations, the difference grace has made; our victories, defeats, the lessons we have learned (cf. Philippians 4:11). This requires honesty and may sometimes be difficult for us. We also have to remember that while much is common to all individuals, there are also significant differences.

So we need also to reflect on our experience of others. We can do this in general terms, considering what we have learnt from members of our family, from friends, from our general experience in the different areas of life. In this connection it is valuable if pastors have a wider experience than school and theological college. We learn also by considering our own congregation, the different personalities, abilities and needs. We usually find ourselves engaging in pastoral care and counselling from the very beginning, though perhaps with some trepidation at first. So we can consider the lessons we have been taught; our surprises, failures, and ‘successes’.

We also have to engage in wider thinking. This usually means reading and assessing books. This is often difficult. We are out of the normal realm of biblical and theological study. We can read books which are essentially the findings of research. These can be valuable, but research is often vitiated by presuppositions, and while these are sometimes clear at other times they are not. This can be the case with books written by Christians too.

Some books are more a matter of theory rather than direct research, though often theory is based on research. There are various theories. For example, there are theories about the importance, and indeed the reality, of the unconscious; about the significance of dreams, and about the influence of the past.

When we come to try and evaluate experience and what we read in the light of the Bible we have to remember that the Bible is primarily about salvation. Moreover, the present life of the saved is one of sanctification. The Bible is directly about holy living, but it is indirectly about coping with the burdens and problems of life. It shows us how people were intended to function and traces out the means which lead to fruitful and godly living.

In this respect the Bible gives us a great deal of help in deducing principles for counselling:

In the biographical and narrative passages we often see human nature and human problems; e.g. Matthew 15:21-28; John 21:15-19.

In the wisdom literature we are given many practical guidelines for life.

In Paul’s letters where we can see developed many helpful and vital principles for godly living.

The Bible advises us that the human situation is complex and not simple. Think of David, writing the Psalms and falling into sin. Think of Peter, professing his allegiance to Jesus, then denying him three times. Consider Romans 6,7 and 8. Are they easy, simple and straightforward?

3 Practical reflections on counselling

a) Preparatory

We have to learn how to apply the Bible to problems of daily living and spiritual experience.

We need to keep close to our people without being intrusive.

Many people need to grasp and live by the gospel. They need to realise what they are by grace in Christ, and all the resources they have in him, John 1:16. All God’s dealings with us are in grace.

The church needs to be developed to be a place of acceptance and healing. Some churches are much better at this than others, Colossians 3:14,15.

b) Attitudes

We need faith in the power of God, and realism.

We need truth and understanding; love and wisdom; sympathy and detachment.

c) Action

We can do a great deal by suitable, applicatory preaching.

We can do much by prayer, and little without it.

We can do much by example.

We need to be ready to reveal our own humanness, understanding and vulnerability.

d) Limitations

We must be careful not to go beyond our competency; we must be humble enough to recognise our limitations. We can call on the advice of others; more experienced ministers; trained Christian counsellors; Christian counselling services.

When a person needs specialist help they also need our support, prayers and guidance. But when do they need this?

In cases of serious depression, sleeplessness, etc. they need to check with a GP – this is not unbelief or seeking help from the world.

Check previous history.

Consider circumstances; menopause; PMT; childbirth; stress.

Many only come for help when the problem has grown to serious proportions.

We need other counsellors than ourselves, especially for women and girls.

e) The process of counselling

We can give help to unbelievers for they too are made in the image of God.

A great deal of help is befriending and listening, common sense and application of principles which apply to us all as humans.

All counselling requires thoughtful listening. We need to assess how much time to give; in some cases give clear times; watch out for repetition.

Counselling includes both paraklhsiV and nouqhsia.

Counselling can become directive, if necessary, when it is clear that the real problems have emerged.

f) Dangers

Dancing to the counsellee’s tune.

Getting emotionally or sexually involved with the counsellee.

Allowing the counsellee to become dependent on you rather than the Lord.

Conclusion: pastoral counselling is primarily concerned to equip Christians to function to the best of their abilities and gifts in their own particular circumstances to the glory of God.

Christian counselling - part 1 of a fraternal address

Pastoral Counselling

‘Pastoral counselling’ suggests a pastor counselling and advising members of the church. Certainly this lies at the heart of what we shall be discussing. Though it is not only pastors who engage in counselling, every pastor finds himself called upon to do it. Those who counsel may deal with issues of great complexity and sensitivity. Nor is their counselling likely to be restricted to church members. Many pastors find that they have not been adequately prepared for this work. Eventually they tend to work out an approach which seems to them both biblical and practical. These articles are not based directly on anything more than the reading of a variety of books, experience and reflection. There are not definitive. They have been written in order to stimulate further thought, and in the hope that they will also have some practical value.

Definition: Pastoral counselling is applying the Word of God to particular individuals in their particular circumstances, according to their particular needs.

This might appear to be a rather awkward, wordy definition, so let me break it down a little. Firstly, the Word of God provides both general principles and particular remedies for various conditions of soul, stages of spiritual development and for practical living. There is no need to try and demonstrate this; it is accepted by all evangelical believers.

Secondly, particular individuals all share a common nature and are exposed to the same temptations, trials and problems of life. However, there are also particular complications arising from the person himself or herself, and the nature of the circumstances that person is in. This is obvious, but it must not be taken for granted or overlooked. A catch-all approach to counselling is mistaken and can be dangerous. People are different. Their temperaments, their backgrounds and upbringing, the circumstances through which they have passed, all go to make up them the individuals that they are.

Thirdly, particular circumstances always have to be taken into account. All temptations and trials are common to us as human beings, (1 Corinthians 10:13). Nevertheless, these differ at different times and in different places. Note 1 Peter 1:6, and see 2:11-17 and then how Peter speaks particularly to servants, 2:18-25; wives, 3:1-6; husbands, 3:7; all of you, 3:8 to 4:19; elders, 5:1-5.

Finally, particular needs arise out of our particular make-up and according to our particular circumstances. Needs also differ over time; when we are young we are immature and inexperienced. When we are older, perhaps married and with a family, or unmarried and wishing we were married, new needs arise. Later on our needs will change again. The Word of God has to be applied to those particular needs.

1 Sin, and the need for counselling

Underlying what is stated here are two assumptions. I assume, firstly, that the need for counselling arises because of sin. Prior to their disobedience Adam and Eve would not have needed counselling, at least not in the sense I am using it. It is the introduction of sin into the world that has made life so complex, difficult and full of problems. My second assumption is that we need a wide and radical view of sin and its consequences. For the time being I am going to use the word ‘evil’, because the Fall brought evil into the world; both as a principle in the hearts of all men and women, but also in a much wider sense in life and experience. We must be careful to avoid a simplistic view of evil.

There is consequential evil. Humanity is a fallen race in a cursed environment. We see this spelled out in Genesis 3:14ff. Enmity and conflict have come into the world. There will be pain in childbirth and damaged marriage relationships. Work becomes hard labour and the earth resists man’s efforts and becomes a source of danger and harm. Human beings will die, and this involves weakness and illness.

The results of this are all around us. There are those with disabilities, whether physical or mental. Desires and appetites given us by God become distorted and uncontrolled. We have our own temperaments, but some of these are fragile and all are affected by evil so that we all struggle in one way or another with what we are. Disease and accident are all around us; we are vulnerable when we are young and we may become more so when we get elderly. We all know the pain of bereavement and over the years suffer the loss of parents and others we love and those we know. There is also what could be called circumstantial evil. There are the pressures and stresses of life. Those pressures, if they are great enough, may lead to people to breaking down either physically or emotionally.

We have, I think, to learn to live and cope with consequential evil. Aspects can be mitigated, but until the Lord takes us out of this world and then restores the present creation we have to live with the presence of sin and evil. Counselling involves strategies which enable people to cope with living in the world as it is.

Then there is oppressive evil. This is the evil which people inflict on others. There are many people who suffer as the victims of evil. We see this developing in Genesis 4. Cain is jealous and kills his brother Abel. But that means he will go as a fugitive, fearing for his own life, so God puts a mark on him, v.14,15. Then in verses 19,23,24 we find Lamech taking two wives and boasting of taking vengeance on someone who had wounded him.

There are many examples in our society of this form of evil. The most obvious form is child abuse. But there are many other forms. Think of the victims of war, poverty and exploitation. Some people find themselves in abusive relationships. Many wives have suffered greatly. In our day many relationships break down with all the resulting heartache and sorrow that brings. We find people who are manipulative, who are bullies, who harass their neighbours or colleagues at work.

In general terms, if possible, we have to help people out of oppressive evil. This will not always be possible, but often it is the only way to make a real difference. Having said that, we cannot avoid all the forms this sort of evil takes. In fact Christians are likely to suffer opposition simply because they are Christians and we have to learn to live and cope with that.

There is demonic evil. This is very difficult to understand and quantify, especially in the days in which we live and with the general cultural outlook of our society. Ephesians 6:12 reminds us that we are in a warfare with spiritual powers. 2 Corinthians 11:14 tells us that Satan can transform himself into an angel of light. Peter tells us that he roams about as a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8). 1 Corinthians 15:24,25 informs us that it is not until the end that all Christ’s enemies are finally put under his feet. Whatever sophisticated twenty-first century sceptics might think and say, we have to reckon with the malevolence and activity of the powers of darkness, both among unbelievers and believers.

Such evil is most easily seen in temptation. The one who tempted Jesus Christ will not leave his followers alone. However, the tempter can use other people, even believers (Matthew 16:23), and a variety of circumstances in his tempting work. We are often told that occultic practices and influences are demonic in nature and can bring people under a measure of demonic control. This may be true, but I think we are unwise to think this is the only or even the main way by which this happens. While I think Scripture is clear that Christian cannot be ‘demonized’, to use the NT word, they can be subject to Satanic attacks. It is not easy to distinguish these from other influences, and they probably seldom come alone, but the devil uses particular situations or weaknesses for his attack. But they are nonetheless real.

We have to teach believers to watch out for temptation. More than that, they need to resist demonic evil in the name of Jesus Christ, 1 Peter 5:8,9; James 4:7,8. This is possible and important. It is also often a great relief for people to realise that the source of their problem is not within them, but comes from without from the enemy and father of lies.

There is personal evil. Sin is a power for evil in the heart of people. It affects every aspect of our personalities and expresses itself in every area of behaviour; thinking, speaking and acting. We are very familiar with this, James 1:13-15; Titus 3:3. We have to instruct believers to mortify sin wherever it appears, Romans 6:12-14; 8:13. But we must not make the mistake of thinking and proceeding on the assumption that all our problems and ills are the result of personal evil.

A sermon outline on an important passage

This is a sermon outline, rather rough I'm afraid on 1 Corinthians 12, a rather important passage in these days, I think.

a) One thing that is true of all of us is that we have bodies. There are some variations, of course. There are male and female bodies; there are taller and shorter bodies, and thinner and more well-built bodies. We all understand what bodies are like because we all have one, and because we all understand at least something about our bodies and the way they work, Paul uses the body here as a picture for us of a church.

b) This chapter is also an example of the way God can bring good out of evil. The situation in the church of Corinth was a sad one. The first chapter reveals serious divisions in the church, 1:10-13. This chapter and ch. 14 also reveal that the Corinthians placed a huge emphasis on the gift of tongues – or languages – for that is really what the word means. Now I’m not going to speak about that gift except to say that whereas the Holy Spirit gives many gifts, the Corinthians were all seeking just the one gift. So, in order to try and help them understand what they should be seeking after, Paul uses the illustration of the body.

1. The church is one body with many members

a) The important v. here is v.12. You have a body but it has many members. So also is it with Christ; he has a body made up of many members. And in a particular place, Corinth, or anywhere else where there is a church, it is a body and has many members. The vital point is this, all the members belong together. They are individuals, they are men and women, and of different ages and temperaments and abilities, but they all belong together. They are not, and are not supposed to be, independent Christians who go their own sweet way and live their own lives quite apart from any other believer. In some circumstances, of course, that is inevitable and some churches may seem to be very far from what churches ought to be. The Bible picture of a church is of a body and it is the members who make up the body.

b) Now the body is the body of Christ, v.27 and Christ is the head of the body, though that is implied here rather than stated as it is elsewhere. The point is this; if I belong to Christ I naturally belong to all the others who belong to Christ. If I trust Christ and follow him then I naturally become one with the others who are following him – it is as simple as that. We might say that a church is a body of people who trust Christ, who help one another to live for Christ and serve him together, and who are going to Christ. But he is our head, and that is vital. Our bodies are under the control of our heads, our minds. Our minds decide where we are going to go, what we are going to do, how we are going to live, what we are going to say and our bodies obey our will. So it is with Christ our head – this is simple, but very important. He is Lord over his people.

c) If the body is under the headship of Christ it is energized by the Holy Spirit, v.13. The Spirit baptizes us into the one body of Christ, he puts us into the body and he also fills us, that is the point of the last phrase. It is his presence and power which enables us to live under the Lordship of Christ. He produces his fruit in us, Gal.5:22,23,25. We are sinful people, apt to go our way, to do our own thing, but the Spirit gives us a new mind, a new attitude, he helps us to see our responsibilities to the whole body and to live accordingly. He is like our breathing, the oxygen which we take into our lungs and without which we would not only not be able to live or work adequately, we would die. Or he is like our life-blood, which constantly circulates through the body, bringing oxygen from the lungs to every part so that all the parts can work effectively.

d) If a church is a body, and if it is under Christ as its head and indwelt and empowered by the Spirit, that means the members all form a unity, they are one body. That is why Paul speaks as he does in Eph.1:1-6. In Christ we are united, we cannot change that but we can spoil it, and sadly often do. How?

i. By failing to realise that sin remains in us and we have to be watchful and obedient.

ii. By becoming careless in our behaviour and relationships.

iii. By letting our brothers and sisters get under our skin.

iv. By grieving the Holy Spirit, Eph.4:30.

v. By failing to keep close to Jesus and dependent on him.

2. Though one body the church has many members

a) If you consider your body you will know that its members, its parts, are very different from each other. The passage mentions the foot and the hand v.15, and the ear and the eye, v.16,17, and by implication the nose, because the same verse refers to the smelling. Of course it is true that we have a pair of hands, feet, ears and eyes, but each pair is very different from the other and none of the pairs is perfectly symmetrical. It would be no good swapping your left and right foot over, either they would have to face backwards or else they would be unbalanced. The point is this. In the body of Christ we are all different. We are not meant to be the same, but this is one of the facts that can make unity in the church difficult, but which also magnifies the grace of God. How remarkable it is that such diverse people can love each other, can pray together and work together. This isn’t always easy, but we must remember Romans 15:7. Moreover, if we were all the same we couldn’t work as the body works, each part having its own function and enabling the whole body to work.

b) So it is not just that we are different people, we are also given different gifts and serve the Lord in different ways, and it is this that Paul is emphasizing in this chapter. Look at vv.4-7. Differences of gifts, differences of ministries, differences of activities – but for the good of all, for the whole body. It is the Spirit who has done this, v.11, our gifts and abilities are not ours, they come from the Spirit and they are different. See also v.18. God puts the members into his churches, just as it pleases him. God in his sovereignty forming different people, giving them different gifts and abilities, putting them into the body so that they could serve him and the whole body. No wonder Paul was so concerned that the Corinthians were all seeking the same gift; they simply didn’t understand what God had done and how they should relate to each other and serve him.

c) This leads us to consider that all the members function in different ways and do different things. This is obvious if we think of Paul’s illustration in v.15. In some ways the hand and the foot are similar, but the way in which they work is quite different. The hand is extremely versatile, in can do a great variety of actions; the foot can’t do nearly so much if you compare the two. But your foot enables you to stand up, and if you can’t stand your hand can’t do as much as it could you were standing up. And it is the feet which enable you to get about, to make progress, to get from one place to another. Now there is no direct analogy to either foot or hand in the church, but some members are very versatile and are able to do many things, other members may bring stability and solidity to the church, and a church needs that, others again may enable it to reach out, to make progress. I’m afraid that sometimes we give the impression that every Christian needs to be much the same, and doing much the same sort of thing. In fact, we should think in exactly the opposite way; we should look for the different gifts that people have and encourage them and give them opportunities to use those gifts. And we should recognise that the gifts some have will mean that their main work is to act as members of the church in the world, not directly in church activities at all. I believe it is a good thing for younger Christians to be helped by church officers and more mature members to discover their gifts. They should be encouraged to get involved in as much Christian work as they reasonably can in order for them to find out what they are good at – and also what they are not good at! Warren Wiersbe in one of his books says: ‘Find out what you’re good at and stick to that.’

d) The different members of the body are all necessary, vv.15-19. How often do some Christians feel, and sometimes are actually made to feel, that they can do nothing and are almost a burden in the church. ‘Oh, pastor’, they say, ‘I’m afraid I can’t do anything much in the church.’ And some try to do things they have no aptitude for simply because they feel they must try and contribute something. And when people are ill or get old, they often feel like this. Or they compare themselves with some highly gifted, very active person and feel an utter failure because they’re not like him or her. One group in the early churches that could easily feel they could do little consisted of those wives whose husbands were not Christians. Peter writes to such, 1 Pet.3:3,4. I’m not sure that a gentle and quiet spirit is very precious in the sight of the leaders and members of some churches, but it is very precious in the sight of God; and it makes a great impact on unbelievers too. I know that we can all be lazy; none of us is as devoted to the Lord, to his church or to the service of Christ as we should be, but we must be careful. Every member of the body is necessary, and all have a part to play in the life and spiritual growth of the body. We must take to heart v.21,22: those members which seem to be weaker are necessary.

e) All the members are to be honoured and cared for, v.22-25. There are parts of the body that we always leave uncovered, but other parts we cover, not because they are not part of the body, or there is anything wrong with them, but because they are private and personal to each of us. But we cover them and dress them and make them presentable and make them honourable. In any group of people there are always some who catch the eye, whose gifts and abilities are evident, and there are also others who are more retiring, whose gifts are not on the surface, and who tend not to be noticed. So in the church we make sure that they that are not overlooked, that they are appreciated, that we value and honour them as members – or, to be truthful, mostly we do not, but we this is what we ought to do. As v.25 says, we should have the same care for one another. No-one should be left out, or feel left out, there is to be no division in the body.

f) Finally, all the members are to feel for each other, v.26. It is amazing how a pain or injury in a very small part of the body affects the whole. A toenail is scarcely a part at all, but if is ingrowing you can’t walk properly or without pain, you can’t sleep at night and you might have to have a series of operations to cure the problem. Or think of a toothache; or you who are gardeners, a tiny thorn from a rose bush that gets into a finger or thumb. We must feel for our suffering fellow believers. I know we sometimes find that hard, but to truthful, what Paul says next is often even harder, 26b. Do we rejoice, or are we envious? Think of it like this. You have a good meal and the whole body feels satisfied; go for a good walk and your whole body feels better; your mind is clearer, even your eyes seem brighter. Or think of it in family terms. Parents are glad when their children do well. So if a brother or sister is rejoicing, rejoice with them, you are one with them in the body, and if they are honoured, so is the whole church, because they are a part of it.

3. All the members are to work together as a body

a) My wife and I are always humbled when we go, as we have done for the past couple of years, to the annual holiday of the Disabled Christian Fellowship at St Annes. These people suffer from a variety of disabilities, but several suffer from cerebral palsy, some very severely, and they can’t co-ordinate the parts of the body as most of us can. They seem so awkward and ungainly at times; an arm goes here, a leg there. Their movements are jerky and unpredictable. These are fine Christians and of course they cannot help their condition which they were born with.

b) The sad thing is that churches can be rather like that. Instead of being one, working together and serving the Lord together, the church may break up into groups, each with its own little agenda. Some do one thing, others something else, you are never quite sure what is going to happen next. Some are individualists and go off at tangents rather than working together with others, they seem to be in the church but not of it. The result of all this is that some members get overlooked, there is an atmosphere of general unhappiness and dissatisfaction. In all too many cases it leads to churches breaking up and the Lord dishonoured.

c) So the question is: how can a church work together; how can a collection of very different sinners, though saved by grace, manage to work and serve together and glorify their Father in heaven? I believe the answer is in v.31. In this case I am going to follow the marginal reading in the NIV, though the translation is my own: But you are seeking the greater gifts, and I will show you a still more excellent way. The Corinthians were seeking great gifts, gifts that would mark them out as very spiritual people, especially the gift of speaking in tongues. Paul wants them to see there is a far better way to spiritual prosperity in the church than that. What is that? It is the way of love. If you can have all the gifts in the world without love, they’re worth nothing to you. What is love like? 13:4-8a.