A fraternal address on Pastoral Visitation

Pastoral Visitation

Introduction

What particularly drew my attention to this subject was seeing the following headline in the Daily Telegraph on October 7^th: ‘Patients needs GPs to act like “local priest”’. A commission, carried out by the Royal College of GPs and the Health Foundation charity said that GPs need to become generalists ‘fulfilling for many people the type of role that a local priest would have occupied in former years: a respected figure who could be turned to for non-judgmental advice on a range of issues including, but not limited to, health care.’ Without agreeing precisely with that description I think that many ministers in the past fulfilled, and to lesser extent in the present, do still fulfil a similar role. This, it seems to me, is something worthy of greater thought.

In my own experience pastoral visitation was an integral part of the Christian ministry. I cannot really remember back adequately to my father’s pastoral days in this country, but once I went to London Bible College my pastor gave me a list of people to visit during the summer vacation to enable me to gain experience. During my college course I was also given a student pastorate in my second year. This involved preaching on Sunday evenings during term time, but also on Wednesday afternoons I was to go out for an afternoon’s visitation, then have tea at a member’s home and take the evening Bible Study and Prayer Meeting. At college our Principal laid some considerable emphasis on pastoral visitation in his Pastoral Theology lectures.

Turning briefly to the Scripture we remember that when Jesus, in John 10, speaks of himself as the good Shepherd, he goes on to say, ‘I know my sheep and am known of mine.’ The question arises, how do we get to know our ‘sheep’, how well do we know them and how well do they know us? Ezekiel 34 pictures for us shepherds who do not care for the sheep, ‘The weak you have not strengthened, the sick you have not healed, the injured you have not bound up, the strayed you have not brought back, the lost you have not sought, and with force and harshness you have ruled them.’ In light of these things I would like to consider this subject.

1 Reasons for pastoral visitation

a) To establish personal relationships with members of the church and congregation. Of course, if people are regular attenders at the services of the church you soon begin to recognize people and get to know them. Generally speaking, however, there is not enough time or opportunity to gain more than a superficial knowledge and develop much of a relationship. To meet with them in their homes and spend some time with them means that mutual knowledge and understanding can develop. It is true, also, that you can find that people are very different when you meet them outside of a church environment.

b) Taking this a little further you gradually begin to understand their background and realise some of their needs. When you look at a congregation gathered before you, the people can often seem very similar. With some obvious variations, there are similarities in dress and demeanour, especially on the part of longstanding believers. But when you begin to discover their roots, to hear the story of their pilgrimage, to understand their circumstances and their family situation, you may discover huge variations and you may begin to realise that actually their spiritual and emotional and perhaps social needs are very different. You may discover very complicated relationships and all manner of unresolved problems. If you are really going to help them, such knowledge is vital.

c) So visitation also helps you considerably to minister and preach the Word of God more effectively and in a more focussed way. It also helps you to be careful how you preach. It is, for example, all very well to denounce some sins in no uncertain terms, but if you have a member who has a close relative who is guilty of those sins and his or her heart is torn because of it, you will bear this in mind and try not to add to the burden that he or she is bearing. On a slightly different note, when I started my ministry as an assistant in Southampton there was a lovely Christian girl, a nurse, who had had a serious breakdown. She used to come out of mental hospital on Sundays to attend the services, sometimes, I think, having meals with us. I felt I had to be careful in my preaching; to be wise if I was speaking about death, or judgment or hell as she was in a very fragile state. Later on I tried to preach in such a way that, as far as possible, I was being sensitive to whoever was present and whatever their need or problem.

d) A further reason for visitation is to learn more of the Word from them. This might seem a strange thing to say, but it is true. Ministers tend to look at the Bible in an academic way. We are concerned for proper exegesis leading to a correct application. But ordinary Christians don’t generally read the Bible in that way. They read it bearing in mind their circumstances, their needs, their trials. They read it for real and practical help each day if they are spiritual people. They can therefore gain insights that we easily overlook. Let me give you an example. One very elderly lady in our church in Dunstable once told me that she felt very much that the Lord was speaking to her through John 21:18, the Lord’s words to Peter: ‘Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.’ It would be easy to dismiss that and say that that was a word spoken particularly to Peter. However, some time after that it became necessary for her to go into an old people’s home – something I think she had never wanted to come to – and that verse was actually a great comfort to her and she spent a number of happy years in that home. The point is this: while that verse had a particular person and situation in mind it does contain applications that go beyond it. For example: it shows us that the Lord knows what will happen to us in old age. That means he has his will for our old age, and nothing else can come to pass. Moreover we can even glorify God by our death, in whatever way that comes. Faithfulness unto death glorifies God. So much of Scripture can be applied in this way – some may misapply Scripture, but we can still learn from others how Scripture operates in their lives so that we can preach more effectively and relevantly to our congregations. This actually leads into another big subject – how to show the people by your preaching how to interpret and understand the Bible. But that would need to be for another day.

e) It is in visiting that mutual trust and understanding develops. We want, as far as possible, to reach a position where, if it is necessary, people are prepared to open up the secrets of their heart. Many people carry baggage from the past that they don’t want anyone to know, but it still haunts and hinders their lives in the present. These are usually highly personal matters, sometimes sexual, usually sinful, sometimes more about close relatives than themselves. It is not just that people need to know us sufficiently to be able to open up to us; they must also have complete assurance that we can keep confidences. To be truthful it is usually a matter of years before we reach such mutual trust – I suspect that there are many Christians and others in the churches, who have never felt able to open their burdened hearts to anyone.

f) Another purpose is to be better able to spot potential, and also to anticipate problems. It is not just how a person behaves in a church context which indicates potential; in fact such behaviour may be quite different from how he appears at home. Potential is not just an eagerness to be in the limelight or to be seen doing things. What is a man’s relationship with his wife; or her’s with her husband? How does he get on with his children; what is the garden like; does the home give the impression of carelessness and indiscipline; what books can you see? To know someone’s character is also very helpful if problems arise. I remember a complete misunderstanding which arose between myself and a man. The misunderstanding was explained, understood and accepted, but I was told by someone who knew him well that he would still leave the church, and so he did. Prior knowledge might have prevented the misunderstanding in the first place.

g) An extension of this point is to make it easier to talk about decisions that the church may need to take. I believe it is very important for the leadership to contact all the members and be ready to talk personally with everyone if there are important or difficult decisions that the church needs to take. This is made much easier if the elders already have good relationships with members. Many misunderstandings, fraught church meetings, factions and divisions could be avoided or at least mitigated if leaders and members could discuss issues personally before meetings took place and decisions were made.

h) My next reason is that through members of the congregation we may also get to know relatives, friends and neighbours. In the past I was involved in a great deal of door to door visitation. But this is cold calling; you turn up on the doorstep of someone completely unknown to you and you are unknown to him or her. It is not surprising if this is often quite unfruitful. But it is different if you get to know members of a family. ‘This is my pastor’ may be said to a husband, or wife, to children, to parents, to aunts and uncles. You have never met them before but there is a natural link. And if they know that you are appreciated by the member, or members; if they know you care for them, that you have helped them, that you are glad to visit them and advise them, then that will make a big difference also. In some cases, especially when visiting those who live in terraces of houses, you can gain an introduction to neighbours as well. This not only helps you, if you see them again. It helps those who are invited to a service or evangelistic event if they already have some acquaintance with you and some sort of relationship already exists.

i) So visiting is one of the best ways of making possibly fruitful relationships with unbelievers. I say, ‘possibly’, for there is no guarantee about this. You may well find relatives or neighbours of church members who become very friendly towards you but nevertheless show no interest whatsoever in the gospel. Still, who knows whether, having had prejudice removed and at least recognizing the sincerity of those who preach the gospel, they may yet be brought to Christ in some other way. I think that may happen rather more than we suspect; after all it isn’t good for most of us to have too much success – if I can use that word!

j) My final reason is a very humbling and challenging one. By visiting the people personally you let them discover that you are the sort of person they will feel able to come to in times of special need – or they will discover that you are not the sort of person they want to come to. If you think of Jesus Christ lots of people came to him; and why not? He was meek and lowly in heart, he did not break the bruised reed or quench the smoking flax. People who would never have come personally to the scribes and Pharisees came to Jesus. His problem was escaping from the crowds, not that no one was interested enough to come. Of course, we cannot directly compare ourselves to him and our circumstances are very different too. Still, if we are growing like him people ought to feel able to come and it is right for us face this squarely. It is true that in a shared leadership one may be particularly gifted at the personal level. To have such a person is a great blessing but we must all aim to grow like Jesus.

2 Necessary cautions when considering pastoral visitation

a) Some pastors are much more suited to such visitation than others. We are all different and we all have different temperaments and different gifts. Some find it much easier to speak personally to people rather than to a congregation, with others it is the reverse. My own belief is that all pastors must engage in some visitation, especially if there are no other elders with whom to share the work. Actually, sometimes it is an asset to continue visiting even when you feel very inadequate. People soon find out what we are like and they may well say, ‘I know he doesn’t find visiting easy, but I’m very glad he drops in to see me from time to time.’

b) Visitation needs to help preaching, not distract from it. Some ministers visit too much, others not enough. I heard of one minister who was very much into Christian counselling and as a result his Sunday ministry was very poor – he never had sufficient time to prepare his sermons. I think we have to recognize that the balance on the ministry, if I can call it that, inevitably depends on the personality and gifts of the man concerned. This, of course, is as it should be. God has not made us all alike, he has not given us all the gifts we might like – at least not the vast majority of us – and we have to learn that while there are certain things all ministers have to do, we also have to operate within the scope of our own abilities.

c) The proportion of visiting may alter over time. I set off with good intentions – though they seem modest enough now. I intended to visit every member in the church at least once a year, but I don’t think I ever did that. In the first place there are some who clearly need to be visited and some visited regularly. There are some in the church you get to know well without formal visiting; deacons and their families, for example. In our case in Stoke after induction we invited all the deacons and their wives and families to meals in the first few months. After that it was not so necessary to call in on them apart from particular needs that arose, and of course we met at monthly deacons’ meetings. However, it is important to get to know the wives of church officers too. As the church grows it is obviously more important to get to know those who are added to it, whether by conversion or transfer, than those you have known for some years. But it is important not to overlook any. If you scarcely visit anyone no-one is likely to miss you, though all may wish you came more often. But if you are known to visit many and to visit regularly, woe to you if you overlook anyone!

d) With an eldership, visiting can and should be shared out. Having said that, it is usual even with elders to have one who is known as the pastor, and in some cases it is he who should do the visiting – but more of that later. However, this sharing out of visitation mustn’t be haphazard; elders need to meet often and to plan the visitation, otherwise people will be overlooked and feel left out, and more importantly those with real needs can actually be missed. Nor is it a good thing for an elder always to visit the same people, otherwise there is a danger of factionalism. The elders are elders of the whole church and I think this needs to be clear.

e) Visiting women needs especial care. I would lay it down as an unbreakable rule that no pastor on his own should visit any woman under sixty on her own. And I’m not sure that I wouldn’t raise the age of sixty as the pastor begins to approach that age himself. I am not going to regale you with stories of pastors who have fallen into sin and frequently wrecked their own marriages through unwise visiting, most of you will know of several in any case. This makes visiting such people difficult. When a pastor’s wife has no employment it is often easy for husband and wife to visit together. In theory this can be done in the evenings or on Saturdays if the wife is at work during the day, but in practise it is difficult to make the time. It is valuable if there is a suitable woman in the church who can do such visiting, but it is just as unwise and spiritually dangerous for the pastor to take another woman from the church with him on his visits. It is not easy to give advice that will cover every situation, but the danger is that we don’t take this matter seriously enough.

f) Some pastoral problems also require that the pastor take someone else with him. Be careful of marriage problems. It may be that a first visit will be by the pastor alone, but this can sometimes seem to a wife like two men to one woman. Subsequent visits will need someone else present, but don’t take another elder – that looks like three to one. Preferably take your wife, or an elder’s wife – there are going to be four of you present, but be careful of getting too close to anyone else’s wife or any single woman. If the problem is one which is likely to mean a disagreement between yourself and a member, or members, then it is much better to have someone else present.

g) Confidentiality is a difficult matter. Be careful if someone wants to ensure your secrecy before you are told what it is. I believe a minister must make it clear that crimes cannot be confessed without that entailing confession also to the authorities. The obvious exception to that would be certain crimes committed years before about which nothing could be done. However, there will often be things that you are told that must never go beyond the eldership, and some things that you must keep to yourself and may share with your wife. Sometimes there could be things that you do not tell your wife; she doesn’t need to know grisly details that would only upset her.

h) Finally under this heading, be prepared for surprises and be prepared to help in unexpected ways. I once visited a small fairly elderly lady church member who lived with her much older mother. I arrived at a time of crisis. The older lady, who was very large had needed to use the commode, but the smaller daughter did not have enough strength to lift her off it. Enter a pastor to the rescue! I believe we must be prepared to do anything that we reasonably can when we call to our people’s homes – especially those of the elderly and infirm.

3 Some general guidelines

a) We go visiting as ministers of the Word of God so I believe in nearly every case we go, not just for a chat, but also to read the Word of God and pray. There may be exceptions to that, and we need to be prepared to be flexible, but that is the general rule. I usually looked out some verses of the Bible beforehand. Quite often I would use the same passage in several homes but I always tried where it was necessary to read what was suitable for that person or situation. In some cases it was not always appropriate to pray; more rarely that seemed the right thing rather than reading. Whoever it was I was visiting I looked for an opportunity to read and pray. If I was visiting an unbeliever I always asked if they would like me to do this. Usually the answer was ‘Yes’.

b) In most circumstances I was prepared to accept the offer of a cup of tea. In the case of old people and those on their own they feel they want to do something for you and it is right to let them do so, even if by the end of an afternoon you have to dash back home to the bathroom. I remember our college Principal saying that if an elderly person got down the best cup which had sat on a shelf for years accumulating dust and poured the tea into it, you simply drank it down and expressed your thanks. I know from experience that it is not as bad as all that.

c) In general visiting don’t stay too long and look for any signs that you are outstaying your welcome. I used to reckon about 20 minutes for a home visit and about 10 minutes for a hospital visit, but this depends on circumstances. However, it is better to leave a person wishing you had stayed a little longer than wishing you had left earlier. Some older people will be quite happy for you to stay for an hour, but your time is precious and must be used wisely, and people need to appreciate this.

d) Be careful not to give the impression you have any favourites; visiting one person more than others. Older people, in particular can be very touchy about things like that. You will find it is easier talking to some than others and some are more friendly and appreciative than others, but you are not going visiting just for friendly chats, you are a pastor and your ultimate concern is the spiritual welfare of those you go to see.

e) In the past it was accepted that you could just drop in on people. This is still the case with many older people, but in general these days you need to phone beforehand and make an arrangement. This makes it more difficult as you have to fit your visiting around other peoples schedules, but it also excludes the frustration of finding that people are not at home. It also means people are prepared for your visit, which is generally an advantage.

f) Apart from getting to know the congregation, visiting inevitably concentrates on those who are shut in or ill. These days it is possible for those who cannot get out to public worship to be given cds of sermons and some may make use of the internet. However valuable these things can be, they are impersonal and miss the fellowship of joining together in worship. Moreover, older people are more inclined to doze off if they are listening to a cd in an armchair. Many of them are also lonely; and some feel lonely even though people call regularly at their home. A pastoral visit is therefore something that is valued and, if possible, I used to try and call in on the few who were housebound once a week. It is also important to visit those who are ill – but not necessarily if it is a cold or temporary ailment. There is one thing I would particularly like to mention. There is an elder in the church at Dunstable who is a gifted man and had been an elder or deacon in quite a number of churches. He did not always enjoy the best of health and when he was taken ill and unable to get to any service I went to visit him. He told me that was the first time he had ever had a pastoral visit – well, he was an elder, wasn’t he? Why would he need one? Don’t overlook your colleagues in the church – they will be thankful for your thoughtfulness and care.

g) It is also valuable to pray before you set out to visit and then afterwards. You will usually do this if you know the visit is going to be a tricky one, but it is surely right to commit this service to the Lord, just as you would commit any other meeting or service to him. Prayer afterwards is also right, especially if there are needs that you have become aware of and problems that you have tried to help solve.

4 Special cases

a) The sick, and in this case we are thinking about those who are seriously unwell. One of the first things to remember is the question of time. Sick people are easily tired out. The difficulty is they tend to perk up when someone comes to see them, but then they collapse when the visit is over. If you visit relatives of members or other non-church folk you need to realise that they may see the visit of a minister as a sign the end is probably near for them – so it may be wise to reassure them tactfully. With unbelievers you have an opportunity to present the gospel, but it has to be brief and is best done with a few suitable verses of Scripture. It is often a good idea to have a few prayer points already prepared in your mind.

b) The dying. Obviously there is a big difference between the believer and the unbeliever, but remember death is an enemy and Christians easily perceive it as such. Many people shed tears as they near the end, especially those who have been involved in warfare; don’t worry or think it is your fault (though make sure it isn’t), they will still appreciate your coming. I had a selection of Bible verses that I generally used on such occasions, one set of verses for Christians, another for those of whom I wasn’t sure. As I knew most them off by heart I didn’t need to shuffle pages to find them. One problem arises when the family do not wish the patient to know their illness is terminal. You have to respect their wishes in this, but in any case you seldom need to actually mention that death is approaching. It is also true that some linger on much longer than anticipated, while others pass away suddenly and unexpectedly. Sometimes it is your responsibility to break the news of a death to the next of kin. This is not easy, but grace is given for special need. With unbelievers you will usually need to ask if you can pray. I visited one man I knew who was opposed to the gospel. He was far gone and unable to speak, but when I asked if he would like a short prayer he just shook his head. On the other hand only the last day will reveal how many trusted in Jesus Christ at the eleventh hour.

c) The bereaved. This is often much more difficult than visiting the dying, for frequently unconverted people will be present. Even Christian relatives can be devastated by the death of someone they loved, so great sensitivity and kindness is needed. They may know that their loved one is with the Lord, but to be honest that may not be a comfort that they can hold on to at that time. Never glibly quote, ‘All things work together for good to those who love God.’ People, understandably, may need a long time to recover their equilibrium – though they may never be quite the same again. You cannot hurry the grieving process and you shouldn’t try to do so. Just support them, bear with them and pray for them. Turning to the practical, I believe that these days you have to make it clear that if you are going to take the funeral then it will have to be a clearly Christian one. While it is appropriate for family members or friends to take part, and these may not be believers, songs and poems that contradict Scripture cannot be allowed in a funeral service that you conduct. This is often a trickier matter than you might imagine.

d) The mentally afflicted. This is very demanding and needs great wisdom; you can spend a great deal of time and effort and all to no visible purpose if you are not careful. The one thing you can be more or less certain of these days is that you won’t have to visit one of the terrible hospital wards that used to exist and which I entered once or twice – it could feel very threatening when they turned the key behind you and you were faced with twenty or more severely affected people, often behaving in strange and bizarre ways. One woman I visited quite often until she finally succeeded in committing suicide, was known to a number of others in our church. They nearly all tried to help her, but ended up feeling utterly worn out and that their own sanity was being threatened. You can only do so much with such people and you have to be wise about your involvement – it helps no-one for you to break down as well. I have already spoken about such people at a previous fraternal so I simply recommend Alexander’s Thoughts on Religious Experience, especially chapter 4.

e) The hopelessly inadequate. A Christian psychiatrist, Ruth Fowke, I think, used to call these the CCC’s – the chronically can’t cope. The line between these and the mentally afflicted can be difficult to discern, but we have to remember that intelligent and capable people can suffer temporary mental illness, whereas these folk sadly seem incapable of normal living. Christian churches attract people like this because most others don’t bother with them. In Stoke we had more than our fair share of odd bods coming to the church, but I am glad that that was so, even though they could be a trial and some members wished they didn’t come. These people may be Christians but they will still need a lot of help – if they are willing to receive it. People like Mr Ready-to-halt and Mr Fearing in Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress might come into this category. They generally need prescriptive guidance, but if they don’t like what you tell them, they will probably go elsewhere, and often keep on moving until they come back to your church at a later date.

f) The unconverted. Pastoral visitation sounds as if it means visiting the flock, and that is the main part, but you will usually find yourself visiting unbelievers, too. This may be a mistake on my part, but generally I tried to ensure that I would be able to return on a future occasion. This meant that I was not too blunt in asking if they were Christians or not. I often tried to take my cue from what they said rather than putting them on the spot. However, I nearly always asked if they wished me to read the Scriptures and usually if I could pray as well. I feel that if you can get close to a person and they look upon you as a friend, they then open up more readily, ask questions and ask for advice. This is a longer term strategy. I think personality enters into it here – some people are more ready to speak than others, and conversely, some ministers can reach the heart more quickly and readily than others. Still, I think we should not be so concerned about conversion that we miss the opportunity to build a relationship. And, in any case, it may be the next minister, or someone quite different, whom the Lord uses for conversion.

g) The backslider. It helps enormously if you are able to spot early on that someone is beginning to struggle spiritually, and beginning to get into difficulties. Once they have thoroughly backslidden in heart it is much more difficult. They generally have reasons for their condition. These may well be excuses; but they are not always so, and it is wise to take them seriously. Some are stumbled by the example, or words, or attitudes, of other church members. Some feel they don’t fit into the church as they see it. Some feel they are being pressurised to do things they feel uncomfortable with. These things can be very real, and are far too common. Patience, understanding, love which is real and evident, are all qualities needed in such circumstances. Thankfully many backsliders are restored. A real shepherd knows how to bring back wandering sheep, but it often requires great patience and much prayer.

h) The discontented. I have partially touched on this under the previous heading. In the present church situation I believe it is almost impossible to keep everyone happy and within the church. Unfortunately a great deal of what we call church growth often consists of people moving from one church to another. As a pastor, you have to consider prayerfully your policy for the church, along with other elders if you have them. Not everyone will agree with everything. Some members will almost inevitably think you are too soft and others will think you are too hard. And you will never get everything exactly right anyway – none of us is perfect, all of us have to learn. The discontented need to know that you care for them and love them in the Lord. They also need to know that you will not just roll over if they press you hard enough. If through your visiting you already know members well it helps enormously if they become discontented later on. There is much more hope if a good relationship already exists.

i) The family. I think this is probably almost a thing of the past, but it is a great blessing to be able to visit a home, to talk with the parents, to see the children playing in the garden or perhaps listen to a piece blushingly played on some musical instrument, and then read a short passage and pray with the whole family.

5 Final thoughts

a) I have been speaking about visiting, but there are often other occasions when it is possible to get to know people. Informal gatherings, fellowship meals, rambles, sometimes after Sunday worship, all these are useful for getting into conversations and developing relationships. It doesn’t always have to be specific visits.

b) Visiting is not a magic bullet, but I think it is possible its value is underestimated in these days. When I was young I had a pastor called Murdo Gordon. He was highly gifted but gained a reputation in our church as having a teaching ministry; my uncle and aunt certainly thought so and felt he was sometimes over the heads of the people. I don’t think this was really fair, though I do remember once in a sermon he referred to ‘dialectical materialism’ and no-one had a clue as to what he meant. But the church grew, and on one Sunday evening alone four people were converted, though we did not find that out until years later. My uncle, who was church secretary, put down the growth of the church to Murdo’s diligence in visiting and I’m sure it played an important part.

c) A church where the people are cared for and where love and harmony reigns is a powerful evangelistic advertisement for the gospel; inevitably the opposite is true also.

d) Pastoral visitation is simply part of the responsibility of being a pastor. A pastor is a shepherd, one who watches over a flock belonging to Christ as one who has to give an account to the chief shepherd for his stewardship. To be a spiritual shepherd is not just about preaching or teaching or visiting or even praying. Shepherding is about caring for Christ’s sheep: guiding, feeding, helping, restoring, encouraging. A shepherd does not want to lose one sheep – especially when it is not his; a shepherd is glad if his flock keeps enlarging as new lambs are born into it. Visitation is not an end in itself, nor is it simply a duty to perform; it is one element in the ongoing care which the shepherd has for the sheep who are his responsibility.

Pastoral Counselling part 2

2 The Bible and counselling

It is the Bible itself which alerts us to the various dimensions of evil: consequential evil, oppressive evil, demonic evil and personal evil. Part of the difficulty is that these do not exist in separate compartments; they often come together and overlap in experience. This makes it difficult, sometimes almost impossible, to unravel the complexities of the problems that some individuals have. We have to acknowledge, too, that conversion by itself does not solve all the difficulties that some people experience. It certain respects it can make the situation worse, when, for example, people suffer hostility or ridicule for their faith.

The Bible also speaks of ‘madness’, it recognizes in doing so that a person’s mind can be affected so that they may act in unusual ways and experience bizarre feelings. We have to recognize that the so-called ‘medical model’, that is that there can be mental illnesses, is correct though such illnesses may arise from various causes. Gerard Manley Hopkins has expressed it forcibly; ‘O, the mind, mind, has mountains, cliffs of fall/frightful, sheer, no-man-fathomed. Hold them cheap/may who ne’er hung there.’ Just as the bone of a limb may break if put under too great a pressure, so the mind or emotions may break down under conditions that are too great for it to bear. Just think of the experience of people in wartime, whether combatants or civilians.

The Bible also provides the framework within which we reflect on our experience and do our thinking. See, for example, Psalm 111:2; Matthew 16:2,3; Acts 17: 24-29 – in this case note v.28 and Paul’s use of pagan writers; Ecclesiastes 1:12,13 cf. 2:13,14; 3:10,12,13. This is not always an easy exercise. We can misunderstand the Bible, we can misapply what it says, we may have unrealised assumptions which vitiate our understanding of the Bible and our thinking process, we can misunderstand our own experience and the experience of others, we can misunderstand what other people are saying or have written. In other words we have to take great care because while we desire to do good, it is possible to cause harm.

Experience can be broken down into two elements. First of all there is our own personal experience. It is important and valuable to reflect on this. We should consider our childhood and its influence on our lives; our temperaments, weaknesses and peculiarities; our temptations, the difference grace has made; our victories, defeats, the lessons we have learned (cf. Philippians 4:11). This requires honesty and may sometimes be difficult for us. We also have to remember that while much is common to all individuals, there are also significant differences.

So we need also to reflect on our experience of others. We can do this in general terms, considering what we have learnt from members of our family, from friends, from our general experience in the different areas of life. In this connection it is valuable if pastors have a wider experience than school and theological college. We learn also by considering our own congregation, the different personalities, abilities and needs. We usually find ourselves engaging in pastoral care and counselling from the very beginning, though perhaps with some trepidation at first. So we can consider the lessons we have been taught; our surprises, failures, and ‘successes’.

We also have to engage in wider thinking. This usually means reading and assessing books. This is often difficult. We are out of the normal realm of biblical and theological study. We can read books which are essentially the findings of research. These can be valuable, but research is often vitiated by presuppositions, and while these are sometimes clear at other times they are not. This can be the case with books written by Christians too.

Some books are more a matter of theory rather than direct research, though often theory is based on research. There are various theories. For example, there are theories about the importance, and indeed the reality, of the unconscious; about the significance of dreams, and about the influence of the past.

When we come to try and evaluate experience and what we read in the light of the Bible we have to remember that the Bible is primarily about salvation. Moreover, the present life of the saved is one of sanctification. The Bible is directly about holy living, but it is indirectly about coping with the burdens and problems of life. It shows us how people were intended to function and traces out the means which lead to fruitful and godly living.

In this respect the Bible gives us a great deal of help in deducing principles for counselling:

In the biographical and narrative passages we often see human nature and human problems; e.g. Matthew 15:21-28; John 21:15-19.

In the wisdom literature we are given many practical guidelines for life.

In Paul’s letters where we can see developed many helpful and vital principles for godly living.

The Bible advises us that the human situation is complex and not simple. Think of David, writing the Psalms and falling into sin. Think of Peter, professing his allegiance to Jesus, then denying him three times. Consider Romans 6,7 and 8. Are they easy, simple and straightforward?

3 Practical reflections on counselling

a) Preparatory

We have to learn how to apply the Bible to problems of daily living and spiritual experience.

We need to keep close to our people without being intrusive.

Many people need to grasp and live by the gospel. They need to realise what they are by grace in Christ, and all the resources they have in him, John 1:16. All God’s dealings with us are in grace.

The church needs to be developed to be a place of acceptance and healing. Some churches are much better at this than others, Colossians 3:14,15.

b) Attitudes

We need faith in the power of God, and realism.

We need truth and understanding; love and wisdom; sympathy and detachment.

c) Action

We can do a great deal by suitable, applicatory preaching.

We can do much by prayer, and little without it.

We can do much by example.

We need to be ready to reveal our own humanness, understanding and vulnerability.

d) Limitations

We must be careful not to go beyond our competency; we must be humble enough to recognise our limitations. We can call on the advice of others; more experienced ministers; trained Christian counsellors; Christian counselling services.

When a person needs specialist help they also need our support, prayers and guidance. But when do they need this?

In cases of serious depression, sleeplessness, etc. they need to check with a GP – this is not unbelief or seeking help from the world.

Check previous history.

Consider circumstances; menopause; PMT; childbirth; stress.

Many only come for help when the problem has grown to serious proportions.

We need other counsellors than ourselves, especially for women and girls.

e) The process of counselling

We can give help to unbelievers for they too are made in the image of God.

A great deal of help is befriending and listening, common sense and application of principles which apply to us all as humans.

All counselling requires thoughtful listening. We need to assess how much time to give; in some cases give clear times; watch out for repetition.

Counselling includes both paraklhsiV and nouqhsia.

Counselling can become directive, if necessary, when it is clear that the real problems have emerged.

f) Dangers

Dancing to the counsellee’s tune.

Getting emotionally or sexually involved with the counsellee.

Allowing the counsellee to become dependent on you rather than the Lord.

Conclusion: pastoral counselling is primarily concerned to equip Christians to function to the best of their abilities and gifts in their own particular circumstances to the glory of God.

Christian counselling - part 1 of a fraternal address

Pastoral Counselling

‘Pastoral counselling’ suggests a pastor counselling and advising members of the church. Certainly this lies at the heart of what we shall be discussing. Though it is not only pastors who engage in counselling, every pastor finds himself called upon to do it. Those who counsel may deal with issues of great complexity and sensitivity. Nor is their counselling likely to be restricted to church members. Many pastors find that they have not been adequately prepared for this work. Eventually they tend to work out an approach which seems to them both biblical and practical. These articles are not based directly on anything more than the reading of a variety of books, experience and reflection. There are not definitive. They have been written in order to stimulate further thought, and in the hope that they will also have some practical value.

Definition: Pastoral counselling is applying the Word of God to particular individuals in their particular circumstances, according to their particular needs.

This might appear to be a rather awkward, wordy definition, so let me break it down a little. Firstly, the Word of God provides both general principles and particular remedies for various conditions of soul, stages of spiritual development and for practical living. There is no need to try and demonstrate this; it is accepted by all evangelical believers.

Secondly, particular individuals all share a common nature and are exposed to the same temptations, trials and problems of life. However, there are also particular complications arising from the person himself or herself, and the nature of the circumstances that person is in. This is obvious, but it must not be taken for granted or overlooked. A catch-all approach to counselling is mistaken and can be dangerous. People are different. Their temperaments, their backgrounds and upbringing, the circumstances through which they have passed, all go to make up them the individuals that they are.

Thirdly, particular circumstances always have to be taken into account. All temptations and trials are common to us as human beings, (1 Corinthians 10:13). Nevertheless, these differ at different times and in different places. Note 1 Peter 1:6, and see 2:11-17 and then how Peter speaks particularly to servants, 2:18-25; wives, 3:1-6; husbands, 3:7; all of you, 3:8 to 4:19; elders, 5:1-5.

Finally, particular needs arise out of our particular make-up and according to our particular circumstances. Needs also differ over time; when we are young we are immature and inexperienced. When we are older, perhaps married and with a family, or unmarried and wishing we were married, new needs arise. Later on our needs will change again. The Word of God has to be applied to those particular needs.

1 Sin, and the need for counselling

Underlying what is stated here are two assumptions. I assume, firstly, that the need for counselling arises because of sin. Prior to their disobedience Adam and Eve would not have needed counselling, at least not in the sense I am using it. It is the introduction of sin into the world that has made life so complex, difficult and full of problems. My second assumption is that we need a wide and radical view of sin and its consequences. For the time being I am going to use the word ‘evil’, because the Fall brought evil into the world; both as a principle in the hearts of all men and women, but also in a much wider sense in life and experience. We must be careful to avoid a simplistic view of evil.

There is consequential evil. Humanity is a fallen race in a cursed environment. We see this spelled out in Genesis 3:14ff. Enmity and conflict have come into the world. There will be pain in childbirth and damaged marriage relationships. Work becomes hard labour and the earth resists man’s efforts and becomes a source of danger and harm. Human beings will die, and this involves weakness and illness.

The results of this are all around us. There are those with disabilities, whether physical or mental. Desires and appetites given us by God become distorted and uncontrolled. We have our own temperaments, but some of these are fragile and all are affected by evil so that we all struggle in one way or another with what we are. Disease and accident are all around us; we are vulnerable when we are young and we may become more so when we get elderly. We all know the pain of bereavement and over the years suffer the loss of parents and others we love and those we know. There is also what could be called circumstantial evil. There are the pressures and stresses of life. Those pressures, if they are great enough, may lead to people to breaking down either physically or emotionally.

We have, I think, to learn to live and cope with consequential evil. Aspects can be mitigated, but until the Lord takes us out of this world and then restores the present creation we have to live with the presence of sin and evil. Counselling involves strategies which enable people to cope with living in the world as it is.

Then there is oppressive evil. This is the evil which people inflict on others. There are many people who suffer as the victims of evil. We see this developing in Genesis 4. Cain is jealous and kills his brother Abel. But that means he will go as a fugitive, fearing for his own life, so God puts a mark on him, v.14,15. Then in verses 19,23,24 we find Lamech taking two wives and boasting of taking vengeance on someone who had wounded him.

There are many examples in our society of this form of evil. The most obvious form is child abuse. But there are many other forms. Think of the victims of war, poverty and exploitation. Some people find themselves in abusive relationships. Many wives have suffered greatly. In our day many relationships break down with all the resulting heartache and sorrow that brings. We find people who are manipulative, who are bullies, who harass their neighbours or colleagues at work.

In general terms, if possible, we have to help people out of oppressive evil. This will not always be possible, but often it is the only way to make a real difference. Having said that, we cannot avoid all the forms this sort of evil takes. In fact Christians are likely to suffer opposition simply because they are Christians and we have to learn to live and cope with that.

There is demonic evil. This is very difficult to understand and quantify, especially in the days in which we live and with the general cultural outlook of our society. Ephesians 6:12 reminds us that we are in a warfare with spiritual powers. 2 Corinthians 11:14 tells us that Satan can transform himself into an angel of light. Peter tells us that he roams about as a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8). 1 Corinthians 15:24,25 informs us that it is not until the end that all Christ’s enemies are finally put under his feet. Whatever sophisticated twenty-first century sceptics might think and say, we have to reckon with the malevolence and activity of the powers of darkness, both among unbelievers and believers.

Such evil is most easily seen in temptation. The one who tempted Jesus Christ will not leave his followers alone. However, the tempter can use other people, even believers (Matthew 16:23), and a variety of circumstances in his tempting work. We are often told that occultic practices and influences are demonic in nature and can bring people under a measure of demonic control. This may be true, but I think we are unwise to think this is the only or even the main way by which this happens. While I think Scripture is clear that Christian cannot be ‘demonized’, to use the NT word, they can be subject to Satanic attacks. It is not easy to distinguish these from other influences, and they probably seldom come alone, but the devil uses particular situations or weaknesses for his attack. But they are nonetheless real.

We have to teach believers to watch out for temptation. More than that, they need to resist demonic evil in the name of Jesus Christ, 1 Peter 5:8,9; James 4:7,8. This is possible and important. It is also often a great relief for people to realise that the source of their problem is not within them, but comes from without from the enemy and father of lies.

There is personal evil. Sin is a power for evil in the heart of people. It affects every aspect of our personalities and expresses itself in every area of behaviour; thinking, speaking and acting. We are very familiar with this, James 1:13-15; Titus 3:3. We have to instruct believers to mortify sin wherever it appears, Romans 6:12-14; 8:13. But we must not make the mistake of thinking and proceeding on the assumption that all our problems and ills are the result of personal evil.

A sermon outline on an important passage

This is a sermon outline, rather rough I'm afraid on 1 Corinthians 12, a rather important passage in these days, I think.

a) One thing that is true of all of us is that we have bodies. There are some variations, of course. There are male and female bodies; there are taller and shorter bodies, and thinner and more well-built bodies. We all understand what bodies are like because we all have one, and because we all understand at least something about our bodies and the way they work, Paul uses the body here as a picture for us of a church.

b) This chapter is also an example of the way God can bring good out of evil. The situation in the church of Corinth was a sad one. The first chapter reveals serious divisions in the church, 1:10-13. This chapter and ch. 14 also reveal that the Corinthians placed a huge emphasis on the gift of tongues – or languages – for that is really what the word means. Now I’m not going to speak about that gift except to say that whereas the Holy Spirit gives many gifts, the Corinthians were all seeking just the one gift. So, in order to try and help them understand what they should be seeking after, Paul uses the illustration of the body.

1. The church is one body with many members

a) The important v. here is v.12. You have a body but it has many members. So also is it with Christ; he has a body made up of many members. And in a particular place, Corinth, or anywhere else where there is a church, it is a body and has many members. The vital point is this, all the members belong together. They are individuals, they are men and women, and of different ages and temperaments and abilities, but they all belong together. They are not, and are not supposed to be, independent Christians who go their own sweet way and live their own lives quite apart from any other believer. In some circumstances, of course, that is inevitable and some churches may seem to be very far from what churches ought to be. The Bible picture of a church is of a body and it is the members who make up the body.

b) Now the body is the body of Christ, v.27 and Christ is the head of the body, though that is implied here rather than stated as it is elsewhere. The point is this; if I belong to Christ I naturally belong to all the others who belong to Christ. If I trust Christ and follow him then I naturally become one with the others who are following him – it is as simple as that. We might say that a church is a body of people who trust Christ, who help one another to live for Christ and serve him together, and who are going to Christ. But he is our head, and that is vital. Our bodies are under the control of our heads, our minds. Our minds decide where we are going to go, what we are going to do, how we are going to live, what we are going to say and our bodies obey our will. So it is with Christ our head – this is simple, but very important. He is Lord over his people.

c) If the body is under the headship of Christ it is energized by the Holy Spirit, v.13. The Spirit baptizes us into the one body of Christ, he puts us into the body and he also fills us, that is the point of the last phrase. It is his presence and power which enables us to live under the Lordship of Christ. He produces his fruit in us, Gal.5:22,23,25. We are sinful people, apt to go our way, to do our own thing, but the Spirit gives us a new mind, a new attitude, he helps us to see our responsibilities to the whole body and to live accordingly. He is like our breathing, the oxygen which we take into our lungs and without which we would not only not be able to live or work adequately, we would die. Or he is like our life-blood, which constantly circulates through the body, bringing oxygen from the lungs to every part so that all the parts can work effectively.

d) If a church is a body, and if it is under Christ as its head and indwelt and empowered by the Spirit, that means the members all form a unity, they are one body. That is why Paul speaks as he does in Eph.1:1-6. In Christ we are united, we cannot change that but we can spoil it, and sadly often do. How?

i. By failing to realise that sin remains in us and we have to be watchful and obedient.

ii. By becoming careless in our behaviour and relationships.

iii. By letting our brothers and sisters get under our skin.

iv. By grieving the Holy Spirit, Eph.4:30.

v. By failing to keep close to Jesus and dependent on him.

2. Though one body the church has many members

a) If you consider your body you will know that its members, its parts, are very different from each other. The passage mentions the foot and the hand v.15, and the ear and the eye, v.16,17, and by implication the nose, because the same verse refers to the smelling. Of course it is true that we have a pair of hands, feet, ears and eyes, but each pair is very different from the other and none of the pairs is perfectly symmetrical. It would be no good swapping your left and right foot over, either they would have to face backwards or else they would be unbalanced. The point is this. In the body of Christ we are all different. We are not meant to be the same, but this is one of the facts that can make unity in the church difficult, but which also magnifies the grace of God. How remarkable it is that such diverse people can love each other, can pray together and work together. This isn’t always easy, but we must remember Romans 15:7. Moreover, if we were all the same we couldn’t work as the body works, each part having its own function and enabling the whole body to work.

b) So it is not just that we are different people, we are also given different gifts and serve the Lord in different ways, and it is this that Paul is emphasizing in this chapter. Look at vv.4-7. Differences of gifts, differences of ministries, differences of activities – but for the good of all, for the whole body. It is the Spirit who has done this, v.11, our gifts and abilities are not ours, they come from the Spirit and they are different. See also v.18. God puts the members into his churches, just as it pleases him. God in his sovereignty forming different people, giving them different gifts and abilities, putting them into the body so that they could serve him and the whole body. No wonder Paul was so concerned that the Corinthians were all seeking the same gift; they simply didn’t understand what God had done and how they should relate to each other and serve him.

c) This leads us to consider that all the members function in different ways and do different things. This is obvious if we think of Paul’s illustration in v.15. In some ways the hand and the foot are similar, but the way in which they work is quite different. The hand is extremely versatile, in can do a great variety of actions; the foot can’t do nearly so much if you compare the two. But your foot enables you to stand up, and if you can’t stand your hand can’t do as much as it could you were standing up. And it is the feet which enable you to get about, to make progress, to get from one place to another. Now there is no direct analogy to either foot or hand in the church, but some members are very versatile and are able to do many things, other members may bring stability and solidity to the church, and a church needs that, others again may enable it to reach out, to make progress. I’m afraid that sometimes we give the impression that every Christian needs to be much the same, and doing much the same sort of thing. In fact, we should think in exactly the opposite way; we should look for the different gifts that people have and encourage them and give them opportunities to use those gifts. And we should recognise that the gifts some have will mean that their main work is to act as members of the church in the world, not directly in church activities at all. I believe it is a good thing for younger Christians to be helped by church officers and more mature members to discover their gifts. They should be encouraged to get involved in as much Christian work as they reasonably can in order for them to find out what they are good at – and also what they are not good at! Warren Wiersbe in one of his books says: ‘Find out what you’re good at and stick to that.’

d) The different members of the body are all necessary, vv.15-19. How often do some Christians feel, and sometimes are actually made to feel, that they can do nothing and are almost a burden in the church. ‘Oh, pastor’, they say, ‘I’m afraid I can’t do anything much in the church.’ And some try to do things they have no aptitude for simply because they feel they must try and contribute something. And when people are ill or get old, they often feel like this. Or they compare themselves with some highly gifted, very active person and feel an utter failure because they’re not like him or her. One group in the early churches that could easily feel they could do little consisted of those wives whose husbands were not Christians. Peter writes to such, 1 Pet.3:3,4. I’m not sure that a gentle and quiet spirit is very precious in the sight of the leaders and members of some churches, but it is very precious in the sight of God; and it makes a great impact on unbelievers too. I know that we can all be lazy; none of us is as devoted to the Lord, to his church or to the service of Christ as we should be, but we must be careful. Every member of the body is necessary, and all have a part to play in the life and spiritual growth of the body. We must take to heart v.21,22: those members which seem to be weaker are necessary.

e) All the members are to be honoured and cared for, v.22-25. There are parts of the body that we always leave uncovered, but other parts we cover, not because they are not part of the body, or there is anything wrong with them, but because they are private and personal to each of us. But we cover them and dress them and make them presentable and make them honourable. In any group of people there are always some who catch the eye, whose gifts and abilities are evident, and there are also others who are more retiring, whose gifts are not on the surface, and who tend not to be noticed. So in the church we make sure that they that are not overlooked, that they are appreciated, that we value and honour them as members – or, to be truthful, mostly we do not, but we this is what we ought to do. As v.25 says, we should have the same care for one another. No-one should be left out, or feel left out, there is to be no division in the body.

f) Finally, all the members are to feel for each other, v.26. It is amazing how a pain or injury in a very small part of the body affects the whole. A toenail is scarcely a part at all, but if is ingrowing you can’t walk properly or without pain, you can’t sleep at night and you might have to have a series of operations to cure the problem. Or think of a toothache; or you who are gardeners, a tiny thorn from a rose bush that gets into a finger or thumb. We must feel for our suffering fellow believers. I know we sometimes find that hard, but to truthful, what Paul says next is often even harder, 26b. Do we rejoice, or are we envious? Think of it like this. You have a good meal and the whole body feels satisfied; go for a good walk and your whole body feels better; your mind is clearer, even your eyes seem brighter. Or think of it in family terms. Parents are glad when their children do well. So if a brother or sister is rejoicing, rejoice with them, you are one with them in the body, and if they are honoured, so is the whole church, because they are a part of it.

3. All the members are to work together as a body

a) My wife and I are always humbled when we go, as we have done for the past couple of years, to the annual holiday of the Disabled Christian Fellowship at St Annes. These people suffer from a variety of disabilities, but several suffer from cerebral palsy, some very severely, and they can’t co-ordinate the parts of the body as most of us can. They seem so awkward and ungainly at times; an arm goes here, a leg there. Their movements are jerky and unpredictable. These are fine Christians and of course they cannot help their condition which they were born with.

b) The sad thing is that churches can be rather like that. Instead of being one, working together and serving the Lord together, the church may break up into groups, each with its own little agenda. Some do one thing, others something else, you are never quite sure what is going to happen next. Some are individualists and go off at tangents rather than working together with others, they seem to be in the church but not of it. The result of all this is that some members get overlooked, there is an atmosphere of general unhappiness and dissatisfaction. In all too many cases it leads to churches breaking up and the Lord dishonoured.

c) So the question is: how can a church work together; how can a collection of very different sinners, though saved by grace, manage to work and serve together and glorify their Father in heaven? I believe the answer is in v.31. In this case I am going to follow the marginal reading in the NIV, though the translation is my own: But you are seeking the greater gifts, and I will show you a still more excellent way. The Corinthians were seeking great gifts, gifts that would mark them out as very spiritual people, especially the gift of speaking in tongues. Paul wants them to see there is a far better way to spiritual prosperity in the church than that. What is that? It is the way of love. If you can have all the gifts in the world without love, they’re worth nothing to you. What is love like? 13:4-8a.