Pastoral Visitation
Introduction
What particularly drew my attention to this subject was seeing the following headline in the Daily Telegraph on October 7th: ‘Patients needs GPs to act like “local priest”’. A commission, carried out by the Royal College of GPs and the Health Foundation charity said that GPs need to become generalists ‘fulfilling for many people the type of role that a local priest would have occupied in former years: a respected figure who could be turned to for non-judgmental advice on a range of issues including, but not limited to, health care.’ Without agreeing precisely with that description I think that many ministers in the past fulfilled, and to lesser extent in the present, do still fulfil a similar role. This, it seems to me, is something worthy of greater thought.
In my own experience pastoral visitation was an integral part of the Christian ministry. I cannot really remember back adequately to my father’s pastoral days in this country, but once I went to
Turning briefly to the Scripture we remember that when Jesus, in John 10, speaks of himself as the good Shepherd, he goes on to say, ‘I know my sheep and am known of mine.’ The question arises, how do we get to know our ‘sheep’, how well do we know them and how well do they know us? Ezekiel 34 pictures for us shepherds who do not care for the sheep, ‘The weak you have not strengthened, the sick you have not healed, the injured you have not bound up, the strayed you have not brought back, the lost you have not sought, and with force and harshness you have ruled them.’ In light of these things I would like to consider this subject.
1 Reasons for pastoral visitation
a) To establish personal relationships with members of the church and congregation. Of course, if people are regular attenders at the services of the church you soon begin to recognize people and get to know them. Generally speaking, however, there is not enough time or opportunity to gain more than a superficial knowledge and develop much of a relationship. To meet with them in their homes and spend some time with them means that mutual knowledge and understanding can develop. It is true, also, that you can find that people are very different when you meet them outside of a church environment.
b) Taking this a little further you gradually begin to understand their background and realise some of their needs. When you look at a congregation gathered before you, the people can often seem very similar. With some obvious variations, there are similarities in dress and demeanour, especially on the part of longstanding believers. But when you begin to discover their roots, to hear the story of their pilgrimage, to understand their circumstances and their family situation, you may discover huge variations and you may begin to realise that actually their spiritual and emotional and perhaps social needs are very different. You may discover very complicated relationships and all manner of unresolved problems. If you are really going to help them, such knowledge is vital.
c) So visitation also helps you considerably to minister and preach the Word of God more effectively and in a more focussed way. It also helps you to be careful how you preach. It is, for example, all very well to denounce some sins in no uncertain terms, but if you have a member who has a close relative who is guilty of those sins and his or her heart is torn because of it, you will bear this in mind and try not to add to the burden that he or she is bearing. On a slightly different note, when I started my ministry as an assistant in Southampton there was a lovely Christian girl, a nurse, who had had a serious breakdown. She used to come out of mental hospital on Sundays to attend the services, sometimes, I think, having meals with us. I felt I had to be careful in my preaching; to be wise if I was speaking about death, or judgment or hell as she was in a very fragile state. Later on I tried to preach in such a way that, as far as possible, I was being sensitive to whoever was present and whatever their need or problem.
d) A further reason for visitation is to learn more of the Word from them. This might seem a strange thing to say, but it is true. Ministers tend to look at the Bible in an academic way. We are concerned for proper exegesis leading to a correct application. But ordinary Christians don’t generally read the Bible in that way. They read it bearing in mind their circumstances, their needs, their trials. They read it for real and practical help each day if they are spiritual people. They can therefore gain insights that we easily overlook. Let me give you an example. One very elderly lady in our church in Dunstable once told me that she felt very much that the Lord was speaking to her through John 21:18, the Lord’s words to Peter: ‘Truly, truly, I say to you, when you were young, you used to dress yourself and walk wherever you wanted, but when you are old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will dress you and carry you where you do not want to go.’ It would be easy to dismiss that and say that that was a word spoken particularly to Peter. However, some time after that it became necessary for her to go into an old people’s home – something I think she had never wanted to come to – and that verse was actually a great comfort to her and she spent a number of happy years in that home. The point is this: while that verse had a particular person and situation in mind it does contain applications that go beyond it. For example: it shows us that the Lord knows what will happen to us in old age. That means he has his will for our old age, and nothing else can come to pass. Moreover we can even glorify God by our death, in whatever way that comes. Faithfulness unto death glorifies God. So much of Scripture can be applied in this way – some may misapply Scripture, but we can still learn from others how Scripture operates in their lives so that we can preach more effectively and relevantly to our congregations. This actually leads into another big subject – how to show the people by your preaching how to interpret and understand the Bible. But that would need to be for another day.
e) It is in visiting that mutual trust and understanding develops. We want, as far as possible, to reach a position where, if it is necessary, people are prepared to open up the secrets of their heart. Many people carry baggage from the past that they don’t want anyone to know, but it still haunts and hinders their lives in the present. These are usually highly personal matters, sometimes sexual, usually sinful, sometimes more about close relatives than themselves. It is not just that people need to know us sufficiently to be able to open up to us; they must also have complete assurance that we can keep confidences. To be truthful it is usually a matter of years before we reach such mutual trust – I suspect that there are many Christians and others in the churches, who have never felt able to open their burdened hearts to anyone.
f) Another purpose is to be better able to spot potential, and also to anticipate problems. It is not just how a person behaves in a church context which indicates potential; in fact such behaviour may be quite different from how he appears at home. Potential is not just an eagerness to be in the limelight or to be seen doing things. What is a man’s relationship with his wife; or her’s with her husband? How does he get on with his children; what is the garden like; does the home give the impression of carelessness and indiscipline; what books can you see? To know someone’s character is also very helpful if problems arise. I remember a complete misunderstanding which arose between myself and a man. The misunderstanding was explained, understood and accepted, but I was told by someone who knew him well that he would still leave the church, and so he did. Prior knowledge might have prevented the misunderstanding in the first place.
g) An extension of this point is to make it easier to talk about decisions that the church may need to take. I believe it is very important for the leadership to contact all the members and be ready to talk personally with everyone if there are important or difficult decisions that the church needs to take. This is made much easier if the elders already have good relationships with members. Many misunderstandings, fraught church meetings, factions and divisions could be avoided or at least mitigated if leaders and members could discuss issues personally before meetings took place and decisions were made.
h) My next reason is that through members of the congregation we may also get to know relatives, friends and neighbours. In the past I was involved in a great deal of door to door visitation. But this is cold calling; you turn up on the doorstep of someone completely unknown to you and you are unknown to him or her. It is not surprising if this is often quite unfruitful. But it is different if you get to know members of a family. ‘This is my pastor’ may be said to a husband, or wife, to children, to parents, to aunts and uncles. You have never met them before but there is a natural link. And if they know that you are appreciated by the member, or members; if they know you care for them, that you have helped them, that you are glad to visit them and advise them, then that will make a big difference also. In some cases, especially when visiting those who live in terraces of houses, you can gain an introduction to neighbours as well. This not only helps you, if you see them again. It helps those who are invited to a service or evangelistic event if they already have some acquaintance with you and some sort of relationship already exists.
i) So visiting is one of the best ways of making possibly fruitful relationships with unbelievers. I say, ‘possibly’, for there is no guarantee about this. You may well find relatives or neighbours of church members who become very friendly towards you but nevertheless show no interest whatsoever in the gospel. Still, who knows whether, having had prejudice removed and at least recognizing the sincerity of those who preach the gospel, they may yet be brought to Christ in some other way. I think that may happen rather more than we suspect; after all it isn’t good for most of us to have too much success – if I can use that word!
j) My final reason is a very humbling and challenging one. By visiting the people personally you let them discover that you are the sort of person they will feel able to come to in times of special need – or they will discover that you are not the sort of person they want to come to. If you think of Jesus Christ lots of people came to him; and why not? He was meek and lowly in heart, he did not break the bruised reed or quench the smoking flax. People who would never have come personally to the scribes and Pharisees came to Jesus. His problem was escaping from the crowds, not that no one was interested enough to come. Of course, we cannot directly compare ourselves to him and our circumstances are very different too. Still, if we are growing like him people ought to feel able to come and it is right for us face this squarely. It is true that in a shared leadership one may be particularly gifted at the personal level. To have such a person is a great blessing but we must all aim to grow like Jesus.
2 Necessary cautions when considering pastoral visitation
a) Some pastors are much more suited to such visitation than others. We are all different and we all have different temperaments and different gifts. Some find it much easier to speak personally to people rather than to a congregation, with others it is the reverse. My own belief is that all pastors must engage in some visitation, especially if there are no other elders with whom to share the work. Actually, sometimes it is an asset to continue visiting even when you feel very inadequate. People soon find out what we are like and they may well say, ‘I know he doesn’t find visiting easy, but I’m very glad he drops in to see me from time to time.’
b) Visitation needs to help preaching, not distract from it. Some ministers visit too much, others not enough. I heard of one minister who was very much into Christian counselling and as a result his Sunday ministry was very poor – he never had sufficient time to prepare his sermons. I think we have to recognize that the balance on the ministry, if I can call it that, inevitably depends on the personality and gifts of the man concerned. This, of course, is as it should be. God has not made us all alike, he has not given us all the gifts we might like – at least not the vast majority of us – and we have to learn that while there are certain things all ministers have to do, we also have to operate within the scope of our own abilities.
c) The proportion of visiting may alter over time. I set off with good intentions – though they seem modest enough now. I intended to visit every member in the church at least once a year, but I don’t think I ever did that. In the first place there are some who clearly need to be visited and some visited regularly. There are some in the church you get to know well without formal visiting; deacons and their families, for example. In our case in Stoke after induction we invited all the deacons and their wives and families to meals in the first few months. After that it was not so necessary to call in on them apart from particular needs that arose, and of course we met at monthly deacons’ meetings. However, it is important to get to know the wives of church officers too. As the church grows it is obviously more important to get to know those who are added to it, whether by conversion or transfer, than those you have known for some years. But it is important not to overlook any. If you scarcely visit anyone no-one is likely to miss you, though all may wish you came more often. But if you are known to visit many and to visit regularly, woe to you if you overlook anyone!
d) With an eldership, visiting can and should be shared out. Having said that, it is usual even with elders to have one who is known as the pastor, and in some cases it is he who should do the visiting – but more of that later. However, this sharing out of visitation mustn’t be haphazard; elders need to meet often and to plan the visitation, otherwise people will be overlooked and feel left out, and more importantly those with real needs can actually be missed. Nor is it a good thing for an elder always to visit the same people, otherwise there is a danger of factionalism. The elders are elders of the whole church and I think this needs to be clear.
e) Visiting women needs especial care. I would lay it down as an unbreakable rule that no pastor on his own should visit any woman under sixty on her own. And I’m not sure that I wouldn’t raise the age of sixty as the pastor begins to approach that age himself. I am not going to regale you with stories of pastors who have fallen into sin and frequently wrecked their own marriages through unwise visiting, most of you will know of several in any case. This makes visiting such people difficult. When a pastor’s wife has no employment it is often easy for husband and wife to visit together. In theory this can be done in the evenings or on Saturdays if the wife is at work during the day, but in practise it is difficult to make the time. It is valuable if there is a suitable woman in the church who can do such visiting, but it is just as unwise and spiritually dangerous for the pastor to take another woman from the church with him on his visits. It is not easy to give advice that will cover every situation, but the danger is that we don’t take this matter seriously enough.
f) Some pastoral problems also require that the pastor take someone else with him. Be careful of marriage problems. It may be that a first visit will be by the pastor alone, but this can sometimes seem to a wife like two men to one woman. Subsequent visits will need someone else present, but don’t take another elder – that looks like three to one. Preferably take your wife, or an elder’s wife – there are going to be four of you present, but be careful of getting too close to anyone else’s wife or any single woman. If the problem is one which is likely to mean a disagreement between yourself and a member, or members, then it is much better to have someone else present.
g) Confidentiality is a difficult matter. Be careful if someone wants to ensure your secrecy before you are told what it is. I believe a minister must make it clear that crimes cannot be confessed without that entailing confession also to the authorities. The obvious exception to that would be certain crimes committed years before about which nothing could be done. However, there will often be things that you are told that must never go beyond the eldership, and some things that you must keep to yourself and may share with your wife. Sometimes there could be things that you do not tell your wife; she doesn’t need to know grisly details that would only upset her.
h) Finally under this heading, be prepared for surprises and be prepared to help in unexpected ways. I once visited a small fairly elderly lady church member who lived with her much older mother. I arrived at a time of crisis. The older lady, who was very large had needed to use the commode, but the smaller daughter did not have enough strength to lift her off it. Enter a pastor to the rescue! I believe we must be prepared to do anything that we reasonably can when we call to our people’s homes – especially those of the elderly and infirm.
3 Some general guidelines
a) We go visiting as ministers of the Word of God so I believe in nearly every case we go, not just for a chat, but also to read the Word of God and pray. There may be exceptions to that, and we need to be prepared to be flexible, but that is the general rule. I usually looked out some verses of the Bible beforehand. Quite often I would use the same passage in several homes but I always tried where it was necessary to read what was suitable for that person or situation. In some cases it was not always appropriate to pray; more rarely that seemed the right thing rather than reading. Whoever it was I was visiting I looked for an opportunity to read and pray. If I was visiting an unbeliever I always asked if they would like me to do this. Usually the answer was ‘Yes’.
b) In most circumstances I was prepared to accept the offer of a cup of tea. In the case of old people and those on their own they feel they want to do something for you and it is right to let them do so, even if by the end of an afternoon you have to dash back home to the bathroom. I remember our college Principal saying that if an elderly person got down the best cup which had sat on a shelf for years accumulating dust and poured the tea into it, you simply drank it down and expressed your thanks. I know from experience that it is not as bad as all that.
c) In general visiting don’t stay too long and look for any signs that you are outstaying your welcome. I used to reckon about 20 minutes for a home visit and about 10 minutes for a hospital visit, but this depends on circumstances. However, it is better to leave a person wishing you had stayed a little longer than wishing you had left earlier. Some older people will be quite happy for you to stay for an hour, but your time is precious and must be used wisely, and people need to appreciate this.
d) Be careful not to give the impression you have any favourites; visiting one person more than others. Older people, in particular can be very touchy about things like that. You will find it is easier talking to some than others and some are more friendly and appreciative than others, but you are not going visiting just for friendly chats, you are a pastor and your ultimate concern is the spiritual welfare of those you go to see.
e) In the past it was accepted that you could just drop in on people. This is still the case with many older people, but in general these days you need to phone beforehand and make an arrangement. This makes it more difficult as you have to fit your visiting around other peoples schedules, but it also excludes the frustration of finding that people are not at home. It also means people are prepared for your visit, which is generally an advantage.
f) Apart from getting to know the congregation, visiting inevitably concentrates on those who are shut in or ill. These days it is possible for those who cannot get out to public worship to be given cds of sermons and some may make use of the internet. However valuable these things can be, they are impersonal and miss the fellowship of joining together in worship. Moreover, older people are more inclined to doze off if they are listening to a cd in an armchair. Many of them are also lonely; and some feel lonely even though people call regularly at their home. A pastoral visit is therefore something that is valued and, if possible, I used to try and call in on the few who were housebound once a week. It is also important to visit those who are ill – but not necessarily if it is a cold or temporary ailment. There is one thing I would particularly like to mention. There is an elder in the church at Dunstable who is a gifted man and had been an elder or deacon in quite a number of churches. He did not always enjoy the best of health and when he was taken ill and unable to get to any service I went to visit him. He told me that was the first time he had ever had a pastoral visit – well, he was an elder, wasn’t he? Why would he need one? Don’t overlook your colleagues in the church – they will be thankful for your thoughtfulness and care.
g) It is also valuable to pray before you set out to visit and then afterwards. You will usually do this if you know the visit is going to be a tricky one, but it is surely right to commit this service to the Lord, just as you would commit any other meeting or service to him. Prayer afterwards is also right, especially if there are needs that you have become aware of and problems that you have tried to help solve.
4 Special cases
a) The sick, and in this case we are thinking about those who are seriously unwell. One of the first things to remember is the question of time. Sick people are easily tired out. The difficulty is they tend to perk up when someone comes to see them, but then they collapse when the visit is over. If you visit relatives of members or other non-church folk you need to realise that they may see the visit of a minister as a sign the end is probably near for them – so it may be wise to reassure them tactfully. With unbelievers you have an opportunity to present the gospel, but it has to be brief and is best done with a few suitable verses of Scripture. It is often a good idea to have a few prayer points already prepared in your mind.
b) The dying. Obviously there is a big difference between the believer and the unbeliever, but remember death is an enemy and Christians easily perceive it as such. Many people shed tears as they near the end, especially those who have been involved in warfare; don’t worry or think it is your fault (though make sure it isn’t), they will still appreciate your coming. I had a selection of Bible verses that I generally used on such occasions, one set of verses for Christians, another for those of whom I wasn’t sure. As I knew most them off by heart I didn’t need to shuffle pages to find them. One problem arises when the family do not wish the patient to know their illness is terminal. You have to respect their wishes in this, but in any case you seldom need to actually mention that death is approaching. It is also true that some linger on much longer than anticipated, while others pass away suddenly and unexpectedly. Sometimes it is your responsibility to break the news of a death to the next of kin. This is not easy, but grace is given for special need. With unbelievers you will usually need to ask if you can pray. I visited one man I knew who was opposed to the gospel. He was far gone and unable to speak, but when I asked if he would like a short prayer he just shook his head. On the other hand only the last day will reveal how many trusted in Jesus Christ at the eleventh hour.
c) The bereaved. This is often much more difficult than visiting the dying, for frequently unconverted people will be present. Even Christian relatives can be devastated by the death of someone they loved, so great sensitivity and kindness is needed. They may know that their loved one is with the Lord, but to be honest that may not be a comfort that they can hold on to at that time. Never glibly quote, ‘All things work together for good to those who love God.’ People, understandably, may need a long time to recover their equilibrium – though they may never be quite the same again. You cannot hurry the grieving process and you shouldn’t try to do so. Just support them, bear with them and pray for them. Turning to the practical, I believe that these days you have to make it clear that if you are going to take the funeral then it will have to be a clearly Christian one. While it is appropriate for family members or friends to take part, and these may not be believers, songs and poems that contradict Scripture cannot be allowed in a funeral service that you conduct. This is often a trickier matter than you might imagine.
d) The mentally afflicted. This is very demanding and needs great wisdom; you can spend a great deal of time and effort and all to no visible purpose if you are not careful. The one thing you can be more or less certain of these days is that you won’t have to visit one of the terrible hospital wards that used to exist and which I entered once or twice – it could feel very threatening when they turned the key behind you and you were faced with twenty or more severely affected people, often behaving in strange and bizarre ways. One woman I visited quite often until she finally succeeded in committing suicide, was known to a number of others in our church. They nearly all tried to help her, but ended up feeling utterly worn out and that their own sanity was being threatened. You can only do so much with such people and you have to be wise about your involvement – it helps no-one for you to break down as well. I have already spoken about such people at a previous fraternal so I simply recommend Alexander’s Thoughts on Religious Experience, especially chapter 4.
e) The hopelessly inadequate. A Christian psychiatrist, Ruth Fowke, I think, used to call these the CCC’s – the chronically can’t cope. The line between these and the mentally afflicted can be difficult to discern, but we have to remember that intelligent and capable people can suffer temporary mental illness, whereas these folk sadly seem incapable of normal living. Christian churches attract people like this because most others don’t bother with them. In Stoke we had more than our fair share of odd bods coming to the church, but I am glad that that was so, even though they could be a trial and some members wished they didn’t come. These people may be Christians but they will still need a lot of help – if they are willing to receive it. People like Mr Ready-to-halt and Mr Fearing in Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress might come into this category. They generally need prescriptive guidance, but if they don’t like what you tell them, they will probably go elsewhere, and often keep on moving until they come back to your church at a later date.
f) The unconverted. Pastoral visitation sounds as if it means visiting the flock, and that is the main part, but you will usually find yourself visiting unbelievers, too. This may be a mistake on my part, but generally I tried to ensure that I would be able to return on a future occasion. This meant that I was not too blunt in asking if they were Christians or not. I often tried to take my cue from what they said rather than putting them on the spot. However, I nearly always asked if they wished me to read the Scriptures and usually if I could pray as well. I feel that if you can get close to a person and they look upon you as a friend, they then open up more readily, ask questions and ask for advice. This is a longer term strategy. I think personality enters into it here – some people are more ready to speak than others, and conversely, some ministers can reach the heart more quickly and readily than others. Still, I think we should not be so concerned about conversion that we miss the opportunity to build a relationship. And, in any case, it may be the next minister, or someone quite different, whom the Lord uses for conversion.
g) The backslider. It helps enormously if you are able to spot early on that someone is beginning to struggle spiritually, and beginning to get into difficulties. Once they have thoroughly backslidden in heart it is much more difficult. They generally have reasons for their condition. These may well be excuses; but they are not always so, and it is wise to take them seriously. Some are stumbled by the example, or words, or attitudes, of other church members. Some feel they don’t fit into the church as they see it. Some feel they are being pressurised to do things they feel uncomfortable with. These things can be very real, and are far too common. Patience, understanding, love which is real and evident, are all qualities needed in such circumstances. Thankfully many backsliders are restored. A real shepherd knows how to bring back wandering sheep, but it often requires great patience and much prayer.
h) The discontented. I have partially touched on this under the previous heading. In the present church situation I believe it is almost impossible to keep everyone happy and within the church. Unfortunately a great deal of what we call church growth often consists of people moving from one church to another. As a pastor, you have to consider prayerfully your policy for the church, along with other elders if you have them. Not everyone will agree with everything. Some members will almost inevitably think you are too soft and others will think you are too hard. And you will never get everything exactly right anyway – none of us is perfect, all of us have to learn. The discontented need to know that you care for them and love them in the Lord. They also need to know that you will not just roll over if they press you hard enough. If through your visiting you already know members well it helps enormously if they become discontented later on. There is much more hope if a good relationship already exists.
i) The family. I think this is probably almost a thing of the past, but it is a great blessing to be able to visit a home, to talk with the parents, to see the children playing in the garden or perhaps listen to a piece blushingly played on some musical instrument, and then read a short passage and pray with the whole family.
5 Final thoughts
a) I have been speaking about visiting, but there are often other occasions when it is possible to get to know people. Informal gatherings, fellowship meals, rambles, sometimes after Sunday worship, all these are useful for getting into conversations and developing relationships. It doesn’t always have to be specific visits.
b) Visiting is not a magic bullet, but I think it is possible its value is underestimated in these days. When I was young I had a pastor called Murdo Gordon. He was highly gifted but gained a reputation in our church as having a teaching ministry; my uncle and aunt certainly thought so and felt he was sometimes over the heads of the people. I don’t think this was really fair, though I do remember once in a sermon he referred to ‘dialectical materialism’ and no-one had a clue as to what he meant. But the church grew, and on one Sunday evening alone four people were converted, though we did not find that out until years later. My uncle, who was church secretary, put down the growth of the church to Murdo’s diligence in visiting and I’m sure it played an important part.
c) A church where the people are cared for and where love and harmony reigns is a powerful evangelistic advertisement for the gospel; inevitably the opposite is true also.
d) Pastoral visitation is simply part of the responsibility of being a pastor. A pastor is a shepherd, one who watches over a flock belonging to Christ as one who has to give an account to the chief shepherd for his stewardship. To be a spiritual shepherd is not just about preaching or teaching or visiting or even praying. Shepherding is about caring for Christ’s sheep: guiding, feeding, helping, restoring, encouraging. A shepherd does not want to lose one sheep – especially when it is not his; a shepherd is glad if his flock keeps enlarging as new lambs are born into it. Visitation is not an end in itself, nor is it simply a duty to perform; it is one element in the ongoing care which the shepherd has for the sheep who are his responsibility.
