Grace Assembly – The
Gospel and the Homosexual
I believe I was invited to speak on this subject because I edited
the book, ‘Homosexuality: Christian Truth and Love’.[i]
The work that went into that is really my only qualification for doing so. It
is not that I have never come across homosexuality in my ministry, I have; but
I do not have any real experience of counselling and trying to help anyone
struggling with a homosexual orientation and homosexual temptation. If there is
time at the end I have some comments to add on useful books that are available.
I have given my address the title ‘The Gospel and the Homosexual’
because on the one hand we are gospel people. We have received the gospel and
it has changed our lives and we are to live it out. On the other hand the
gospel has to be made known to people; to everyone, for all are sinners and all
need it. It is one thing to consider and discuss homosexuality in an abstract,
arm’s length sort of way. It is quite another to think about homosexual people
and how we react to them and bring the gospel to them.
1 Three Introductory Propositions
These are firstly, homosexual acts are sinful in the eyes of God and
deserve his judgement. Secondly, the gospel offers mercy and forgiveness by God
for everyone who repents and believes in Jesus Christ no matter how wicked
their behaviour has been. Thirdly, the gospel is not a psychotherapy promising
instantaneous or easy solutions to all our problems.
So: homosexual acts are sinful in the eyes of God and deserve his
judgement, just as the same is true of fornication and adultery. Whatever else
needs to be said – and I think there is much else to say – I believe this needs
to be our starting point. I do not think it is possible to believe that the
Bible is the word of God without coming to this conclusion. It is true that the
Bible does not have a great deal to say on the subject. There are only eight
places in the whole of Scripture that refer to homosexual behaviour, and only
one of these explicitly refers to lesbianism, but these references are clear
enough.
In unpacking this proposition I start with pointing out that the
main focus of the Bible is on homosexual acts.
Leviticus 18:22 says, ‘You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an
abomination’. One of our problems today is that people begin with a condition:
some people, it is said, are born, or develop as, homosexual people, so it is
natural for them to express what they are. We shall have to consider this
further, but we must note for the moment that there are sexual acts that are
forbidden by God. This is crucial for our teaching and our obedience.
Secondly, the acts we are considering are marked out as especially
serious. Leviticus 18 groups three sins together. Child sacrifice, which
profanes the name of God; male homosexual acts, which are an abomination, and
bestiality which is perversion. Sometimes you hear of people who ridicule the
Leviticus prohibition by comparing it to the law in the next chapter which
says, ‘You shall not sow your field with two sorts of seed’. However, without
attempting any further explanation it is quite clear that the two laws cannot
be compared in that way. Homosexual acts are marked out as wicked, and this is
also clear from the New Testament. For example, 1 Timothy 1:8-10 mentions
several of the ten commandments, showing the most serious ways in which these
are broken and uses this phrase: ‘men who practice homosexuality’.
Thirdly, same-sex intercourse is against the created order and the
purpose of God in creating male and female. Romans 1 speaks of both women and
men exchanging the natural relations for those that are contrary to nature.
Nothing could be more plain and obvious than that. Once, however, people come
to believe that the body is not a creation by God but has simply evolved over
millennia then the body belongs to an individual to do with it whatever brings
pleasure. For the Christian the body is for the Lord and is a temple of the
Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6).
Fourthly, sinful behaviour deserves the judgement of God, and that
judgement is final and eternal. This is true for all sins, but we face a
situation in which the majority view is that, far from homosexual acts being
wrong, they are natural and right for some people. What is sinful, in the eyes of many, is being critical and judgmental of
people who are only living according to what they are. Over against this common
attitude that we find today, we have to repeat the warning of Paul in 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, with its wide range of
sins: ‘Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the
sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice
homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor
swindlers will inherit the kingdom
of God.’
However, the fact that people are excluding themselves from the
kingdom of heaven by their sins should be a matter of deep concern for us. What
can we do to rescue them from such a plight? This brings us to our second
proposition: the gospel offers mercy and forgiveness by God for everyone who
repents and believes in Jesus Christ, no matter how wicked their behaviour has
been. We all subscribe to this, but we do not always live or act or speak in
the light of its truth. There are several dangers which arise particularly with
regard to sexual sins, and especially homosexual sins.
Many evangelical Christians are rightly disgusted by such sins and
this disgust becomes extended to those who commit them. Understandable though
this is, there are real dangers that we face in our attitudes. It needs to be
clearly evident that while upholding the standards of God’s Word we also
exhibit compassion and a loving desire for the forgiveness and spiritual
renewal of unconverted people whoever they are and whatever they may have done.
This is the more important in this case, because homosexual people in the past,
and in the present, have often experienced hatred and sometimes violence. I
don’t like the word ‘homophobia’, or the way it is bandied about, but it does
express an ugly reality. Moreover, many gay people think that Christian
teaching and attitudes influence and reinforce the homophobia that exists in
society, and unfortunately there is almost certainly some truth in that.
Pastors and preachers need to set an example in this respect. I
guess not many preach on homosexuality very often, more likely it is referred
to in passing. How do we speak about it? Is it simply denunciation, perhaps
with a look of horror on our faces? The fact is that in any congregation of
above seventy people it is probable that there will be someone who has at least
been troubled by homosexual feelings. If, for example, you knew that in the
congregation there was a mother whose heart was torn because one of her own children
was dabbling with a same-sex relationship how would you refer to homosexuality?
I mention this simply because I myself have been in that position.
Let me just widen this out a little. We must be more realistic in
our preaching. Unconverted sinners, and those troubled by sinful feelings and
desires, are not just out in the community somewhere, they may be sitting there
listening to those who open the Word. After I had written these words I came
across this quotation in a book by Rosaria Butterfield[ii]
that I shall refer to again later: ‘That morning… I emerged from the bed of my
lesbian lover and an hour later was sitting in a pew at the Syracuse Reformed
Presbyterian church. I share this detail with you not to be lurid but merely to
make the point that you never know the terrain someone else has walked to come
and worship the Lord.’ It is possible for us to pray for the unconverted to
come in and then preach in such a way that they are never likely to come again.
Even if such people are not in our congregation, attitudes are
formed or changed, reinforced or modified, by what the hearers that are there
take in. Moreover, Christians themselves are not immune to all the different
sorts of temptations that there are and often have their own secret struggles.
This does not mean we are to downplay the seriousness of sin; rather preachers
are to show carefully just what sin is, why it is so serious and how much we
all need the forgiving mercies of a gracious Saviour. God in Christ calls all
sinners to repentance and assures the worst of complete pardon and a new
beginning. Moreover, preachers must preach and Christians live as those who are
themselves undeserving debtors to divine grace – and as those who take heed,
lest thinking we stand, we may yet fall – as indeed far too many have.
I am going to move on now to the third proposition, because these
are by way of introducing the subject: the gospel is not a psychotherapy
promising instantaneous or easy solutions to all our problems. I say this
because when as evangelical Christians we think of homosexuality, we too
frequently seem to believe that our understanding of what the gospel promises
the homosexual must include a change of sexual orientation. The gospel,
however, says nothing whatever about such a change. In certain respects the
gospel calls people to a harder life than before. No longer can you simply give
in to temptation, you have to resist, and if you have been in the habit of
giving in and just doing it – as the phrase goes – then it will be hard. There
will be grace given to resist; but receiving grace to do hard things is not the
same as doing easy things.
We expect unmarried heterosexuals to keep themselves from sexual
intercourse, but we don’t always realise what a problem this can be for them.
I’m going to quote from a little booklet[iii]
written by a Christian woman whom I knew when we were both in our twenties, and
I got married and she didn’t. ‘Celibacy was so difficult that the only way I
could cope with it was through prayer and fasting. I learnt that if I thought
in psychological terms and said, “Poor me, I am repressed and that is bad for
me,” the battle was lost. If I called sinful desires “sin” and asked God’s
forgiveness and help, the victory was won.
‘For many single people, sex can become an over-important issue
because of the fact that they do have to live a celibate life 365 days a year,
year in, year out. Where food is concerned people who have regular meals and a
full pantry usually do not think excessively about eating. Starving people do.
My feeling in the church was that married Christians seemed to think single
people had no sexual feelings, whereas celibacy can make them a great problem
for many, especially younger people…. It was hard to be preached at by a
happily married man, “You must be content, you mustn’t grumble,” and “Sex is
only for married people.” However, I sought to accept the preaching of God’s
Word to me and struggled to ignore the circumstances of the messenger.’
Sadly, this lady was to have a nervous breakdown, but later God
wonderfully broke into her heart in an exceptional manner and gave her peace.
It was years later that she wrote about her experience. Every unmarried person
may not feel exactly as she did, but probably more do than we realise.
Similarly, it is often not at all easy for someone with homosexual desires to
live a celibate life, especially if they have already begun sexual activity.
What I am saying is just this: conversion is not a magic bullet that makes
everything easy – it may make things harder. Understanding this we must realise
the need, not to downplay the standards of God’s Word, but for real insight and
compassionate help.
Having said all this it is vital to remember that all who repent of
their sins and put their trust in Jesus Christ, whoever they are, however they
feel and whatever they’ve done, all have peace with God and are justified in
his sight. The gospel is the power of God for the salvation of everyone who
believes. It brings new life, it joins to Jesus Christ, it results in the indwelling
of the Holy Spirit. Every believer has access to God in prayer; every believer
whether single or married has a life of service for Christ ahead which can be
fruitful and fulfilling. This is gospel truth to be made known to everyone,
including homosexuals. However, generally speaking, converted homosexuals are
likely to need special understanding and compassionate support by their
brothers and sisters.
2 Homosexuality in the UK today
We now turn to focus on homosexuality as we see it today in our
country. How many homosexuals are there in the United Kingdom? The evidence is
confusing. If you look at Wikipedia[iv]
you will find two figures cited in January of this year. The first is 5%, taken
from an article in the British Journal of Psychiatric Research; though the
article in question is actually dated 2004. The second is 6%, quoting a Whitehall figure. This is
taken from an article in The Observer from 2005. Given that there are some 63
million people in the UK
this would mean around 3.6 million homosexual people.
However, Peter Saunders of the Christian Medical Fellowship, in a
review of a book by Peter Tatchell says: ‘The best evidence suggests that only
a very small percentage of men (1-2%) and women (0.5-1.5%) experience same sex
attraction throughout their life-course. But bisexuality appears to be more
prevalent than exclusive homosexuality.’ This comes in an article in the CMF
magazine Triple Helix, dated Spring 2012.[v]
The Affinity statement on Homosexuality[vi],
updated in February this year states: ‘A recent survey carried out by the Office for National Statistics found
that 1% of the British population professed to be homosexual or lesbian, while
94.8 indicated that they were heterosexual and 0.5% bisexual.[vii]
However, an even more telling statistic is a finding that 90.3% of men and
95.8% of women who profess to have a same-sex orientation at some time also had
heterosexual intercourse, whereas 90.1% of heterosexual men and 92.7% of
heterosexual women have only ever had sex with an opposite partner.’[viii]
These last figures date from 1994, so there may have been some alteration since
that time.
It might be of interest to mention that the number of civil
partnerships in England and Wales,
as revealed in the 2011 census, is 105,000. If you take the figure of 3.6
million, homosexual and bisexual, that would mean that less than 6% of such
people were in a civil partnership. On the Saunders figures it is still less
than 14%. In general it seems that the homosexual community is not greatly
concerned with committed relationships, though we must not overlook the fact
that some are. The gay marriage take-up, if that ever comes about, is likely to
be even less.
What are the causes of homosexuality? There is no single or simple
answer to this question. The authors of ‘Unwanted Same-Sex Attraction’[ix]
write: ‘All variations in the patterning of human sexual desire are likely to
result from a developmental interaction between biological (including genetic)
factors, environmental factors and the influence of personal human agency. This
includes whether one is attracted to those of the same sex, opposite sex or
both sexes. As with most complex human behaviours, our understanding of the
relative contributions of these different factors is poor. Furthermore, their
respective contributions will vary between individuals. We still have a great
deal to learn about how sexual behaviours vary across cultures, how they
fluctuate through childhood and adolescence and the influences of cultural and
social factors on early sexual development.’
Some homosexuals as they grow up are only conscious of an attraction
to those of the same sex. Alex Tylee in her book ‘Walking with Gay Friends’[x]
records the experience of a woman called Ruth: ‘I was only about three when I
first remember being aware that I was attracted to other girls. So it was hard
to remember how I felt, because I suppose it just felt quite normal and natural
because it’s what I grew up with. It wasn’t until I started to realize that
that wasn’t the ordinary way of things that it probably started to cause me
problems… I suppose I realized I was different when I was at secondary school;
around thirteen or fourteen, when people are starting to get boyfriends and
things like that. I think that was probably when I thought that this wasn’t a
phase that I was going through or a normal stage in my development, but that in
actual fact, I seemed to be quite different from other people and that seemed
to be a lasting thing.’
It is not difficult to feel a sense of compassion when you read a
testimony like that. Nor is it difficult to understand that someone like that
will only feel really comfortable in the company of others like herself. ‘Birds
of a feather, flock together’; that’s where they feel understood, accepted and
at home. In the past those with feelings of same-sex attraction struggled
largely on their own and perhaps many often did their best to fit in to the
world as it was, but now gay pride has brought homosexuality out into the open
with gay bars, pubs and clubs. Homosexual people can find a sense of identity
and acceptance with others like themselves. And in a society which takes for
granted that if you are in what is called ‘a relationship’ then that will
include sex whether you are married or not, homosexuals inevitably follow suit.
We must remember, too, that people have more than the desire for
acceptance and identity, or even for sex considered on its own. The desire for
love, for someone special, for someone to whom we can be united is a powerful
desire in most of us. It is true that sexual promiscuity has been a feature of
the history of humans since the fall; and this is also a major feature of the
gay scene. Nevertheless, even if relationships between homosexual people may be
less stable than amongst heterosexuals, it is perfectly understandable if a
homosexual seeks someone whom he or she can love and cherish, someone,
inevitably, of the same sex.
It is likely that in many cases influences during childhood play a
significant part in sexual development, just as they do in many others areas of
life. Andrew Comiskey[xi]
has written: ‘Children require a two-party system – a mother and a father. A
child needs both masculine and feminine love. That is especially clear in his
or her acquisition of a healthy gender identity. A child needs to be awakened
to the good of their own gender by the same-sex parent, and granted a clear,
trustworthy vision of the opposite gender through the opposite-sex parent.
Through two cooperative parents who hold each other accountable to raise the
one they created, children become secure and empowered in love. They navigate
well the journey to sexual and relational wholeness.’
The problem is, however, that we are all sinful people in a fallen
world. Christians, as well as others, can struggle with parenting because of
circumstances and their own inadequacies. Indeed, the parents’ own upbringing
and background will themselves affect how they relate to their children; the
nurture of children is not always easy for any of us. In our day, sadly, many
children are brought up in homes that are broken in various ways. However,
while parents in most cases obviously have the greatest influence on the
development of children, other relatives, neighbours, friends and school can
also have considerable influence either for good or ill. We cannot simply hold parents
responsible for all that their children turn out to be.
While early childhood development is very important for everyone in
many ways, it is also true that children react differently due to their
different psychological make up. For example, consider the case of children
losing a parent while very young. One child might react by developing a
hardened and self-contained attitude to life and people, another might continue
to feel a sense of loss and always search for someone who can compensate for
it. I speak not only from what I have read, but also as someone who has tried
to understand my own experience and that of people whom I know, including those
whom it has been my responsibility to shepherd.
There is another factor about homosexuality that I think should be
mentioned. The article in the British Journal of Psychiatric Research which I
referred to earlier was entitled: ‘Rates and predictors of mental illness in
gay men, lesbians and bisexual men and women’. This was its conclusion: ‘Gay,
lesbian and bisexual men and women have high levels of mental disorder,
possibly linked with discrimination.’ It would, I think, be very surprising if
discrimination had nothing to do with these high levels of disorder. On the
other hand if homosexuality can be largely rooted in damaging childhood
experience then this is surely likely to be another significant factor.
Can homosexuals change? I was interested to see in a newspaper that
the latest partner of the novelist Jeanette Winterson was described by her as
‘a post-heterosexual’. If there can be post-heterosexuals why can’t there be
post-homosexuals? However, while there is no doubt that some have experienced change
there is no simple, straightforward answer that can be given. The Bible doesn’t
call everyone to be married; it does call everyone who is unmarried to live a
life of celibacy and purity. This is just as much the case for heterosexuals as
for homosexuals. If heterosexuals can live celibate lives, as many do in our
churches, then homosexual people can do so also.
Nevertheless, where homosexuality is the result of various childhood
influences it is certainly possible that new, positive gospel influences may lead
to considerable change; we dare not under-estimate what the Holy Spirit may do.
But we cannot necessarily expect the change to be complete or permanent. If
homosexuality is a psychopathology – and I do not use this shorthand word
pejoratively – then it is likely that it will be subject to the same sort of
outcomes as other psychopathologies have when counselling takes place. It is
possible there will be relapses, at least in feelings, probably partial but
perhaps almost back to square one. If, for example, a child has lived through
war and bombing – and that has been the experience of some of us – we would not
be surprised if the psychological effects of that were to take a long time to
dissipate nor if they were to reappear to some extent at a later date. The fact
is that struggling with sexual temptation of some sort or other is the lot of
nearly everyone, married or single.
3 The Bible Teaching about Sin
At this point we turn to consider all this in the light of the Bible
and especially what it reveals about sin. Most books I have read don’t say a
great deal about this, except for David Field in ‘Holiness and Sexuality’.[xii]
He has two fairly long chapters entitled ‘Radical Disorientation’ (I) and (II).
We might notice the change of language. ‘Sexual disorientation’ has a different
connotation to ‘homosexual orientation’, and is surely more accurate. However,
we should note that ‘disorientation’ has no necessary moral denotation. The
eating disorientation, anorexia, is suicidal in its trajectory and sadly
sometimes in its outcome, but we would not say that it was a moral wrong.
Firstly, at the heart of sin is a rejection of the authority and
goodness of God. At the very beginning God gave a simple prohibition to Adam;
‘You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge
of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall
surely die.’ The Lord God gave no explanation to Adam. He did not give any
reason why he ought not to eat of the tree, he did not explain why eating would
result in death, he simply warned him of the consequences of disobedience. If
Adam recognised and acknowledged the authority and goodness of God then he
would obey. If he disobeyed it would be clear that Adam was disregarding both
the authority of God and the penalty that he had been warned about. At its
heart that is what sin urges people to do: to disregard God and what he has
said, to deny his authority, to doubt his goodness, and to assert one’s own
independence and preferences over against his Word.
Secondly, however, we need to look at the role of Eve in the fall
into sin. When she looked at the tree she saw that its fruit was good for food
and a delight to the eyes. These things were true and there can have been no
sin in Eve looking. After all she and Adam must have known which tree the Lord
had forbidden and when they saw it in passing by there was no sin in
recognising it or its intrinsic goodness as a fruit tree. The only thing that
was wrong at that point was the suggestion of the devil that the fruit would make
her wise. Eve was deceived by him and took of the fruit but it was only at that
point that sin entered. It was not sinful for her to look nor was it sinful for
her to be tempted. Jesus himself was tempted in all points like us; temptation
is not sin if it is resisted.
We cannot pursue Eve’s story any further or enter into some of the
difficulties the narrative presents, but the point is clear – and could be made
from other passages in Scripture. Looking and being delighted at what you see
is not sinful in and of itself. Not every look at a woman on the part of a man
is a lustful look, nor is every look at a man on the part of a woman. The fruit
was good for food, it was a delight to the eyes, but it was simply not for Eve
or Adam. There is an old children’s chorus which contains the words: ‘Be
careful little eyes what you see’, but we must also be careful not to take that
too far. We live in a world in which we cannot avoid seeing many things which
could become a cause of temptation and sin. The answer is not to walk around
with our eyes shut but to garrison our hearts with the truth and purity of
grace.
Thirdly, I need to elaborate on what can be called the temporal
consequences of sin. Under this heading comes all the sickness that human
beings experience and all the suffering that that brings. This includes
children born with various genetic disorders and a whole range of disabilities
and vulnerability to various diseases and conditions. Over the past few summers
it has been my privilege to speak at the annual holiday of the Disabled
Christian Fellowship. This has always been a very humbling and yet uplifting
experience. My wife and I have seen some fearfully disabled people who trust in
the Saviour and join in his praises as best they can. But actually the Fall has
disabled us all in non-moral as well as moral ways and most people know that we
all have struggles with health and aspects of our personalities.
This can affect sexuality just as it can affect every other area of
human life. We have to recognize this and at the pastoral level we have to
understand that many more people struggle with various sexual temptations than
we would like to think was true. We also have to realise that attempting to
give help in this area is fraught with real danger. It needs dependence on the
Lord and grace from him, and wise arrangement so that a man does not visit a
woman on his own. There is almost certainly a correlation between pastors
trying to help people in struggling marriages and pastors falling into sexual
sin.
This reminds me that Erroll Hulse
has written of pastors: ‘I have noticed that more have fallen into sexual sin
than in any other area of life. I would say the casualty rate has been one in
twelve.’[xiii]
So if the proportion of homosexuals in society is around 2%, the proportion of
pastors who fall into sexual sin is four times as great. And homosexuals live
now in a society which constantly tells them that gay sex is quite all right,
whereas the pastors who fall not only know that extra-marital sex is wrong but
have almost certainly publicly preached that it is so. A little humility, not
to say humiliation, befits us all.
Fourthly, the fundamental problem is not what we look at, nor does
it lie in our natural appetites, it lies in the sin which has now corrupted
every one of us. Paul wrote about
his own experience of the power and deceitfulness of sin in Romans 7. Sin is
such a terrible and deceptive power for evil that it can take even the good
commandments of God and use them to cause us to fall.
However, what is so difficult is that sin operates in people who
have also to live with the disabilities that sin itself originally caused. Sin and
our personalities and frailties are tangled up together. Consider a simple
example. On the one hand sin causes some Christians to become legalistic, it causes
others to become antinomian; yet it certainly looks as if temperament enters
into the mix in both cases. We would not usually expect to find an antinomian Highland believer, I think, or a legalistic English
charismatic! In understanding and trying to help people we have to take account
not only of sin’s present active power but also the legacy of its consequences.
We should remember, too, that sin still tries to deceive us all. It
takes us in; it deceives us about our motives, about our self-judgements, about
what is good or bad for ourselves or for others. It deceives the unconverted
into thinking that they are safe and can partake of what God has forbidden. It
also deceives believers – and preachers – into thinking that angry and arrogant
attitudes and words towards others are righteous and appropriate when they may damage
individuals and the Christian cause. I was reading Job as I prepared this
address; his friends had nothing to say to him except to condemn and call for
his repentance.
Fifthly, we must look at what sin has done in our society more
closely. To judge by what we hear and read about almost every day now there are
two groups of people, heterosexual and homosexual. There is the gay community
and the straight community. This, however, is a gross over-simplification and
extremely misleading. We know that some adults are sexually attracted to
children. The publishing world has recently seen the phenomenon of a series of
books selling in their millions which describe heightened sexual experience
through the infliction of pain. There is a whole variety of sexual fetishes and
compulsive desires. There are people who hate themselves when they give way to
some sordid desire and yet cannot resist when the next temptation comes.
I am sorry to have to bring these things into the open, but we
cannot examine this subject without taking the bigger picture into
consideration. Any pastor who stays for some years in a church and gets to know
the people well will find his eyes opened to a sadly murky scene. In churches
you will find women who have been abused as children, perhaps by professing
Christians, even by real Christians. You may still find people who struggle
with sex because it has been drummed into them from an early age that the whole
subject is dirty. You will find others, perhaps converted out of a
non-Christian background, who are far too influenced by the lax attitudes of
the world.
Why do I take time to mention all these unpleasant things? Partly
because in our minds, perhaps quite unthinkingly, most of us make a distinction
between ordinary heterosexual sex and its temptations, which we understand, and
homosexual feelings and temptations which most of us don’t experience and
therefore think about in a different way; partly also because we can sometimes
think of homosexuals as people like ourselves who simply have unclean hearts
and want to explore all the possibilities of sexual experience. There are
people like that who are found in the gay scene, but I doubt that is the
general truth.
I finish this section with this sentence in the book by Rosaria
Butterfield: ‘I believe that the Lord is more grieved by my current sins than
by my past life as a lesbian’. How honest and true those words are. Some of us
have been believers for many years. How much more serious and God-dishonouring
are our sins now than before we were converted. How far, I wonder, do our
behaviour and attitudes match up to our knowledge and privileges? Let us learn
to judge ourselves, even as we judge the needs of others.
4 Responding in the churches with God’s grace
to those who desperately need it
At this point I want to try and be positive and firstly remind you
of what Scripture says about the way we are to behave towards unbelievers and
speak to them, whoever they are. Colossians 4:5-6 says: ‘Conduct yourselves
wisely toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech
always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to
answer each person.’ And Paul’s
words to Titus (3:1-5): ‘Remind them to be submissive to rulers and
authorities, to be obedient, to be ready for every good work, to speak evil of
no one, to avoid quarrelling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward
all people.’ Why? ‘For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray,
slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy,
hated by others and hating one another. But when the goodness and loving
kindness of God our Saviour appeared, he saved us.’
So in conversation we should speak calmly and honestly, answering
questions and responding to any accusations or anger straightforwardly. We may
need to acknowledge that Christians have at times got things wrong and spoken
harshly or out of ignorance. We must, however, be quite clear about behaviour
which is wrong in the eyes of God. As far as possible we should speak of Jesus
Christ and his work, also emphasizing that it is from his example and authority
that we believe the Old Testament picture.
Secondly, I want to turn briefly to Colossians 3. The chapter begins
with an exhortation to seek the things that are above, setting our minds upon
them, because we have died with Christ and been raised with him so that our
lives are hidden with him in God. Then we are told: ‘Put to death therefore
what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and
covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is
coming.’ The first four items Paul
mentions here are all related to sex and sexual behaviour. This is not
surprising because immorality, including homosexual behaviour among males, was
prevalent in Greco-Roman culture. The point to notice is that these things are
not yet dead. They didn’t die when the Colossians died with Christ and were
raised with him; they still have to be put to death. In fact they have an
extraordinary survival capacity and can suddenly spring to life again even when
it seems as if they had been finally dealt with.
After another list of sinful attitudes and actions to be put away Paul turns to the positive: ‘Put on then, as God's
chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and
patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another,
forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect
harmony.’
Why do we need these qualities, why this bearing with one another
and forgiving one another? Because sexual immorality, impurity, passion, and
evil desire may appear to be dead, but they don’t lie down. They break out in
the lives of fellow believers, even elders and deacons. The church is like a
body attacked by all sorts of germs and infections from within and without. The
body must seek to restore itself from these things, if possible without any
amputations, and it will never be able to do this without compassion, kindness,
humility, meekness, patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another.
A church which takes this passage seriously is one equipped to help struggling believers,
including those with same-sex temptations.
Thirdly, homosexuals surely constitute one of the most difficult
groups of people to reach. It is not likely that many will want to visit our
churches. If we are going to engage with gay people we need to understand that
generally speaking most simply don’t understand our convictions at all. They
look upon us at best as people who are holding on to an outdated, inherited attitude
which is harmful to them and their friends. To them we are old-fashioned,
simplistic, ill-informed and prejudiced and the sooner we get liberated the
better for everyone. And, to be frank, we can hardly blame them for this. They
are taught the legitimacy and goodness of homosexuality at school, the media
promotes it, it is now the received wisdom and the law increasingly enforces
it.
Yet we of
all people ought to be able to understand and enter into the mindset of gay
people. Don’t we often feel marginalised? Don’t we react against the invective
of a Richard Dawkins or the ridiculing in the media of anyone who is silly
enough to believe in creation? Haven’t some of us, perhaps especially ministers
and their wives, worried about the treatment our children sometimes receive in
school from other children? How did some of us fare at university if we studied
science or even English literature? Aren’t we really glad when we can meet with
fellow believers, don’t we enjoy getting away with brothers and sisters in
Christ – just as we are doing now? We can surely understand, even when we can
see the sin and harm that people are doing to each other.
Fourthly, in the church there needs some to be prepared to engage
with homosexuals for they may well be met in evangelism and there may be some
already within the general scope of the church. In particular I believe that evangelists
and pastors must be able to meet and speak appropriately with gay people.
Pastors are primarily shepherds of the flock. They should have a biblical
understanding themselves, but should also mould the attitudes of their
congregations.
I also add that, if possible, each church needs a woman who is able
to counsel other women. My own view is that 1 Timothy 3 and Romans 16:1 justify
the role of women deacons – or to translate the word – servants. I also think
that deacons were never intended to be people who simply form a committee that
meets every month or so to discuss church matters, but rather, as in Acts 6,
those who are given a specific servant ministry to perform in the church. As
most churches today have more women than men it is surprising how little
consideration is given to this.
Fifthly, if any gay people were to show real interest or profess
conversion they are likely to need a great deal of wise counsel and support. So
let me say something about counselling. David Powlison of the Christian
Counselling and Educational Foundation has distinguished two approaches to
Christian counselling, what he calls Vitex and Compin.[xiv]
The first states: ‘Psychology must make a VITal EXternal – hence Vitex – a
vital external contribution to the construction of a wisely Christian model of
personality, change and counselling.’ And the second approach, which he
favours: ‘There are COMPrehensive INternal – hence Compin – comprehensive
internal resources within the Christian faith for the construction of a wisely
Christian model of personality, change and counselling.’
However, I would like to suggest, with great temerity, a possible
third option, Intex. ‘There are sufficient INTernal resources within the
Christian faith to give a moral and spiritual framework and inward attitudes of
mind and heart to enable the Christian to go into the world as it is and
through EXperience – hence Intex – construct a wisely Christian model of
personality, change and counselling.’ This might be considered an extension of
the hermeneutical spiral. We seldom fully understand the way the Bible applies
to life simply by reading it at home. It is as we bring it into the light and
need of real situations that we begin to understand it better and can apply it
more appropriately. However, we must also take care not to try and act beyond
our sphere of understanding and competence. If numbers of homosexuals tend to
have ‘high levels of mental disorder’, as already quoted, then we need to be
wise and recognise our limitations.
Sixthly, in addition to counselling, and even more important, those
struggling with sexual temptation need positive ways to live and healthy
relationships with peers. One the most valuable helps towards these ends is a
support network of Christian friends. Regrettably, many churches are too small
for this to be possible within them. This means we will need to go beyond the
local church and gain the help of a wider group of evangelical believers.
However, along with real Christian fellowship, we need to make much
more of the positive value of the individual Christian and of singleness. Some
years ago there was a book published with this title, One is not Un; that is unmarried, unsatisfied, unfulfilled,
unhappy. We should remember that Jesus himself never married; he also spoke of
those who will give up marriage for the kingdom of God’s
sake. Paul either never married or
was widowed. He wrote that some have the gift of singleness, while others have
the gift of marriage. We can make too much of marriage and marriage
counselling; especially as in most of our churches we have significant numbers
of women who have never married – in our small church we have eight, nearly 20%
of the membership.
5 Conclusion
I had nearly finished preparing this address when I remembered two
men. One brought up in a godly Baptist family related to me by marriage; the
other, one of five of us sharing the same room in London Bible College for
nearly three years and afterwards entering the pastorate. Now, as far as I
know, both of them have come out as gay and are far from the Lord.
I was also reminded of Jesus in the temple: ‘O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that
kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! How often would I have
gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and
you would not!’ Matthew 23:37. Jesus
speaks powerfully in this chapter against the evils seen in the lives of the
scribes and Pharisees, but he finishes by grieving over the murderers of the
prophets sent by the same Father who sent him. He knows also that within days
the city is going to ring with shouts of ‘Crucify him! Crucify him!’ and he
will suffer the same fate as all the others who were sent. Yet how tender and
how plaintive are his words and how warm and inviting the image he uses: ‘How
often I would have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her little
chicks under her wings.’ How often have we longed for sinful people to be
gathered under the wings of Jesus? How can we win them for him?
[i] Day One, 2007
[ii] The Secret Thoughts of an
Unlikely Convert, Rosaria Butterfield, Crown and Covenant Publications,
2012
[iii] Singleness and God’s
Deliverance, My personal experience, Betty Vivian; published privately, no
date
[iv] http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demography_of_the_United_Kingdom.
See references given there.
[vi] I haven’t been able to access this on the Affinity website, but I
have a copy on my computer.
[ix] Unwanted Same-Sex Attraction,
Issues of pastoral and counselling support, by Andrew Goddard and Glynn
Harrison, Christian Medical Fellowship; 2011
[x] IVP, 2007
[xi] Naked Surrender, Andrew
Comiskey, IVP, 2010
[xii] Holiness and Sexuality,
ed. David Peterson, Paternoster, 2004
[xiii] This was in an issue of Reformation
Today
[xiv] The Care of Souls and Modern
Psychotherapies, in Care for the Soul,
eds. McMinn & Phillips, IVP USA,
2001
Recommended Books
Homosexuality: The Use of
Scientific Research in the Church’s Moral Debate,
by Stanton L. Jones & Mark A. Yarhouse, InterVarsity Press, USA; 2000. This
is Christian scholarship and academic study at its best. Although it is 13
years old I doubt its findings will need to be substantially revised.
The Secret Thoughts of an
Unlikely Convert, by Rosaria Butterfield, Crown
& Covenant Publications; 2012. This is autobiographical. It is the story of
an academic professor, a lesbian, a communist and gay rights activist and her –
well, as she said: ‘This word – conversion – is simply too tame and too refined
to capture the train-wreck that I experienced in coming face to face with the
living God.’ She is now a Reformed Presbyterian rather than a Reformed Baptist
but her story is gripping and instructive. You may have to get this as an
e-book.
Homosexuality: Christian
truth and love, Day One; 2007. This includes a
chapter on how the church has always viewed homosexuality; it has two chapters
of biblical exegesis, a chapter on pastoral response as well as an abridgment
of Martin Hallett’s book Still Learning
to Love. This is about his life and homosexual orientation and the founding
of the organisation called the True Freedom Trust.
Holiness & Sexuality, edited by David Peterson, Paternoster; 2004. This overlaps with
the previous book in one chapter and also has one by Martin Hallett. Its
emphasis on holiness is important as are the chapters by David Field.
Walking with Gay Friends,
by Alex Tylee, IVP; 2007. This also is written by a lesbian now living a single
life. Her name and others mentioned in the book are not their real names. That
this should be necessary indicates something about the days in which we live.
It is primarily intended for students I think. I don’t agree entirely with
everything it says, but this is a sister in the Lord to whom we should listen
sympathetically and thoughtfully.
Unwanted Same-Sex Attraction, Issues of pastoral and
counselling support, by Andrew Goddard and Glynn
Harrison, Christian Medical Fellowship; 2011. This is a valuable booklet and
pastors and all who may in various ways give some counsel or support to those
who experience same-sex attraction should read it carefully.
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